Thunder Road
by TeddisonEddison
Summary: When House and Cuddy take a road trip to House's father's funeral the events that follow can only tear them apart or bring them closer. Cowritten by hols14HL & I.  Rated M for chapter 10. HUDDY!
1. Chapter 1

_****Hey guys! This is a new project Hollie (hols14HL) and I are starting! We plan on making it kinda long.. although we're not sure just how long yet as we're both pretty swamped with exams.._

_It's set in season 5, a sort of AU to 'Birthmarks'. Cuddy takes House to the funeral instead of Wilson & Rachel is around. She's about 2/3 years old._

_Rated T for now, although it's subject to change._

_We hope you enjoy it! :)_

_**Thunder road**_

_****__~written by Hollie_

House's glossy blue eyes journeyed up from her high heels, focusing for a millisecond on her breasts, then locked with her steel grey eyes as she slowly pushed her way through his office door. Cuddy always had a presence when entering a room, usually a fiery one, though this time House caught a slight wisp of solemnness tugging at her face. He knew why. He also knew if he wasn't careful she'd try and drag him into the cause. After all it was his problem. It was his 'Dad' who had had just died. She stood in the door way, slightly leaning on one leg. "Sorry about your father." House broke eye contact, trying to mentally shove her off the subject.

"I'm not. Are we done emoting now?" Cuddy ignored him as she made her way over to his desk.

"If there's anything I can do, just — " This was the exact type of conversation House was trying to avoid. He didn't need pity; he didn't even like the man. If this conversation was going to be stopped, he needed an out, and quickly.

"You know, you're right. I don't think I can sleep alone tonight." She smirked slightly at his remark and House eased somewhat as his attempts of deflection had succeeded in changing the conversation. He then turned his attention to what cuddy was holding in her hand and a new idea sprung to his mind "And you can please tell me that that is liquid Vicodin you're holding." Cuddy laughed again as she revealed the needle she was grasping onto. Even though she hated his drug use, a one off joke about it was nothing she couldn't handle. It was his biggest downfall in her eyes, he was always too keen to quickly numb any sort of pain away, whether it be physical pain or emotional. However she stopped nagging him about the subject after she gathered she was wasting her breath, even if she mentally screamed at him every time she saw him pop a pill.

"Fortunately not. We're giving IG shots to everyone who came in contact with your patient." She saw the fake disappointment emerge on his face, as she carried on. "Shockingly, none of the nurses volunteered to administer yours." Another wash of fake hurt flashed across his face as he started to roll up his sleeve. "It goes better in a large muscle." She paused for a second "Drop your pants." She stated in a serious yet somewhat seductive voice.

House stood suddenly, not breaking eye contact as he unbuckled his jeans. Leaning on the side of his desk he turned his head slightly to her. "You know, I usually pay tens of dollars to hear that." Though Cuddy ignored his quick wit and pricked him with the needle.

Feeling him flinch a little she pushed the plunger slowly, time for her to bring up his dad again. "The funeral's tomorrow" she felt his body tense at the thought of it.

_Real clever Cuddy bring up my dad when I can't escape, how did I not see this trap coming. _He thought to himself. "My mom called you?" he replied, a tinge of annoyance and surprise layered in his voice.

"There is a 3:40 flight out of Newark. If you leave now, you can be in Lexington tonight." She took a breath "Your mother wants you to deliver a eulogy." She prompted as she removed the needle and he stood up.

Bucklering up his jeans again, he began his attempt at yet another protest. "Eulogy," from the Greek for "good word." He turned to face her, studying her for a second. "Now, if she asked me to deliver a bastardogy, I'd be happy to —" Cuddy frowned his crudeness towards the recently dead, though this was House, what did she really expect? He'd never shown any sort of concern about death before, if anything he openly mocked it.

Cuddy quickly brushed off the comment. "Then be a grown-up. Call your mother back and tell her that you're sick with grief, but you're too busy to be there." She had no idea how Wilson put up with his arguments on a daily basis, House seemed to have an answer for everything. He lowered his gaze.

"She always knows when I'm lying." The statement was blunt and revealed so much truth Cuddy was taken aback by his tone.

She sighed loudly as she placed her arm on his; he stiffened a little at her touch. "Then start writing." Before he had a chance to reply Cuddy turned on her heels and walked away, her hips swaying in full motion which distracted House too much to even have the last word, and before he knew it, she was gone.

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><p>It was about a minute after Cuddy had left that a cold sweat suddenly loomed over House. His palms went clammy and his head felt light. Trying to steady himself, he outstretched his hand in a frantic hope to grab hold of his desk and carry on standing vertical. Yet seconds later a loud crash was heard and the clatter of cane meeting floor echoed through his office. Darkness quickly surrounded him as he passed out on his office floor.<p>

Cuddy shut her eyes as she sat on one of the benches in the corridor a little further down from Houses office. The crash was loud and straight away she felt a pang of guilt flare through her stomach. God she hated playing this game with him. It was a game where she had to stoop to his level to be able to get him to go to a damn funeral.

Standing up straight and taking a deep breath she entered his office again. The sight of him lying on the floor, motionless, greeted her as she walked closer to him. His eyes were an icy cold blue and she gritted her teeth as she prepared to move him.

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><p>He couldn't make out where he was; he certainly hadn't fallen asleep in the doctors' lounge or one of the clinic rooms, the seats were more comfortable here. On second thoughts he could hear the buzzing of a car engine. With his eyesight growing less blurry by the second and his other four senses slowly returning to him, he started to piece together where he was.<p>

His head lolled to the side as he looked to the left of him. He smiled the best he could when he was able to focus on the person who was driving the car. "awwww Cuddy, you do realise drugging me is such a kinky turn on." He murmured

Cuddy groaned as she heard his voice, hoping he would have been knocked out for a little longer. "Even in your half sedated form you are still able to make sexual comments" she glanced at him as he started to shift in his seat, waking up more, searching his pockets for his vicodin.

"Where is it?" He plainly asked. Cuddy fished through her pockets and pulled out one pill. House stared at her in disbelief. "I may have a bum leg but I can still use my hands. Cuddy, give me my pills." He raised his voice more than he intended and Cuddy sighed, throwing him the bottle. He popped another one and rested his head back on the car head rest.

The silence was awkward and Cuddy could almost hear House thinking about an excuse to get him out of going to the funeral but before he even had a chance to open his mouth she spoke. "Don't even try and argue with me on this one House, you're going and that's final. I don't care if you throw a hissy fit the whole journey, it won't make any difference to the outcome, except we will both have headaches by the end of this car trip. This is for your mom….she needs you there"

There was another pause before House spoke quietly. "She does not _need_ me there, she _wants_ me there. I can't even see the point, it's not like there were bundles of happy memories between me and him to talk about"

"House, for one short moment, can't you let her believe she actually had a happy family and go without looking like you were dragged in at gun point."

House snapped his neck looking at her in mock hurt. "HEY! That's not funny, I have _actually _been held at gun point before and in fact I _was_ shot if you remember correctly." But Cuddy wasn't amused at all by his efforts at deflection. Recognizing this he sincerely added. "I'd be lying by just showing up there."

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><p><em> Thanks for reading! Please leave a review &amp; check out ladylisalaurie &amp; hols14HL on twitter :D<em>


	2. Chapter 2

Cuddy sighed and focused her attention on the road. House's head lolled back into the seat and with in minutes his breathing evened out and Cuddy could tell that he had fallen asleep again. _Thank God for that. _She thought to herself. However the short period of silence was soon interrupted by another voice.

"Momma?" a small voice permeated the silence.

House's eyes shot open and darted his head quickly to the back seat. The sudden movement caused blood to rush to the front of his head and a short spout of dizziness accompanied it, as he squeezed his eyes shut. Apparently the drugs hadn't fully worn off yet.

"Mommy's here, baby" Cuddy soothed, reaching into the back of the car with her free arm and stroking the child's foot.

Casting a glance to House she took in the mixed look that was etched on his face, it was somewhere between surprised and disgust. "What? You didn't expect me to leave her on her own, did you?" Cuddy said. House turned once again to look into the back seat, taking in the image of the cute brunette infant that was squished into a far too expensively fancy pink child seat. She looked adorable. It was disgusting.

"Of course not. It's not like she's ever been away from momma bear for more than a minute, right? Oh wait…" House stated sarcastically, drawing his face into a thinking pose. Rachel spent almost 75% of her time with her nanny, whilst Cuddy looked after her other baby - the hospital. Why on earth did she have to drag Rachel with them now? It was bad enough he was being dragged to this funeral, to have spend it with Rachel dribbling everywhere was going to make things 1000x worse.

Cuddy's patience was starting to wear thin, the man had only been awake for just over 10 minutes and he was already criticizing her parenting techniques.

She rolled her eyes in frustration "House, be a good boy and shut up." He pulled a face in response to her remark, although she wasn't aware of it herself she heard Rachel's giggling. Cuddy suddenly moved to the right, keeping one hand steadily on the steering wheel and leaned down, her right shoulder hovering above House's crotch, as she reached into his footwell.

"Woah there partypants! As much as I would _love_ for you to stay down there, aren't you supposed to be able to, I don't know, see while you're driving?"

Cuddy grinned and sat up, pulling out a her bag from under House's feet. She placed it on his lap, deliberately angling it so I landed on his left side.

"There's some juice bottles and rusks in there. Give 'em to Rach please" she said as she pulled into the fast lane.

House opened the bag, intrigued about the mention of food, though his interest was suddenly halted with a groan as he noticed all the baby crap that it was filled with. Rummaging through the bag for a second he pulled out the snack and gave it to Rachel, making eye contact for the first time.

"Tah" Rachel whispered.

"No, Rachel" Cuddy intervened. "We say thank you, not 'tah'. Say thank you, sweetie"

Rachel looked up into Houses' cold eyes. The man was scary and had a scratchy voice, as well as a big wooden stick that he pulled around with him.

"Fank ew" she whispered, not entirely trusting the man, as she quickly grabbed the snack from him.

House also popped a rusk into his mouth and leaned back into his seat.

"This is stupid Cuddy, turn around" he said in a mumble, his voice low.

"House we've been over this, your mother needs you right now… no matter what you may have been through he was _still _your father. You need to pay your respects"

House laughed, a full bellied laugh that was loud and short. Rachel flinched in the back as she heard the sound erupt in front of her.

"Cuddy there are two main things wrong with that sentence. The first, he was _actually _my father. The second thing wrong is that word you used….re…re….respect?.." he chuckled, shaking his head and looking out of the window, he didn't want to let her see the amount of hate burning in his eyes. "I will never respect that man."

Cuddy was stunned in to silence. She knew from Wilson's gossip that House and his father had a strained relationship, but to be this apathetic so close to his death?

"He's your _father_" she emphasised the word.

"No he's not." House mumbled, his voice muffled by his hand.

"What?"

House shook his head. "Nothing. I just want to go back."

"Well tough. I promised Wilson who promised your mother that you will be there." Cuddy said forcefully, not taking her eyes off the road. "Look, House" her voice softened. "I know you don't want to be here, I know this has got to be hard, and I know that somehow, you _are_ grieving. Just please stick this through, for your mom if no one else."

House tapped the cane between his legs on the floor and looked at Rachel in the back seat through the rear view mirror; she had fallen asleep.

"My dad.. he was all about control. He liked things the way he liked them. He believed in discipline."

Cuddy turned to face him, surprised at the small omission. House continued to stare out the window, fixating his vision on the passing trees.

"He was right, I suppose. I hardly ever screwed up when he was around. Too scared of... being forced to sleep in the yard or take a bath in ice"

Inhaling sharply, Cuddy forced herself to keep her composure. House actually admitting stuff was a rare occurrence, and she really didn't want to screw this up.

"House.." she said softly, her hand reaching over to his left thigh and giving it a slight squeeze.

"It doesn't matter" he said quickly. Slipping back into his shell. "I didn't like the man. He certainly did not like me. I'll do this for my mom, but that's it. One hour."

"One hour?" Cuddy questioned

"I'll stay at the funeral for one hour tops. Then I'm leaving"

"Okay" she said simply. Happy with the fact that he'd agreed to actually go to the damn thing.

They both fell into a comfortable silence, House leaned his head against the window and tried to catch some more sleep. He was still slightly fuzzy from the sedative and that combined with his little admission was giving him a headache.

Thirty minutes later Cuddy yawned and looked at her two passengers, both were sleeping soundly. Why was she doing this? She'd never met House's mother, so why was she so adamant that she'd make sure that his mom's only son attended his father's funeral. Cuddy really couldn't think of a rational answer. She was his boss, strictly professional. This was personal. Sure, she'd known him for 20 years, and been there through some of the toughest periods of his life. But to uproot herself and her daughter from work and their home.. well there really was no rational explanation as to why she'd do that for House.. for his mom. It was just the right thing to do, and Lisa Cuddy had always done the right thing, right?

Running her hand through the mess of curls on her head she exhaled deeply, the over-thinking and long drive was starting to catch up with her. Checking the sat nav for an estimated time of arrival she debated pulling over into a rest stop.

'ETA – 42 MINUTES' flashed up on the screen and she gave a small sigh of relief. Not long left. There was no time to waste, if she really stepped on it she could make it to Lexington before the two passengers woke up and started fussing. Pulling one of Rachel's travel blankets out of the baby bag, she draped it across House's legs and pushed down on the accelerator.

They had a funeral to get to.

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><p><em>Hope you enjoyed it!<em>

_~ Stephanie & Hollie_

_x_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! I had my last exam of the season today so updates may become a bit more regular, although Hollie still has to endure GCSEs so she deserves a shitload of sympathy :')_

_Also, in this fic Rachel has blue eyes. The magical powers of fanfiction allowed that to happen. _

_Enjoy!_

"House…? House wake up…For god sake House, stop ignoring me. I know you're awake!" Cuddy let out a frustrated groan, concentrating back on the road; House wasn't moving a muscle from his sleeping position. His head was currently leaning against the window with a coat draped over him, blocking out the harsh 3pm sun. Cuddy flashed another look at him. He still hadn't moved. "House wake up now or I'm dropping you at the funeral and leaving you there." She saw him stir a little in his sleep. She knew he had been awake. "That means you'll be staying much longer than just an hour at the funeral…" She smirked when she heard him groan in annoyance. House slowly pulled off the coat draped across his head and squinted as the light hit his blue orbs.

"You really know how to manipulate people, don't you?" House stated as he looked at Cuddy. Her features were a little tired and worn down from the journey, or perhaps it was just him and the sole effort of getting him to come to the funeral itself that had worn her down.

"I only learnt from the best." She glanced back at him and smiled.

"Yes I am quite marvelous aren't I?" Cuddy shook her head in disbelief, as she focused back on the road. If she wasn't carful the man's ego could squish her to death in this car it was so big.

"I woke you up to tell you we'll be there in a second, you know, so you could prepare yourself." He rolled her eyes, remembering why they were on this car trip in the first place.

"How thoughtful of you." He replied with a fake smile plastered across his face as he shut his eyes again.

The sounds of gravel and stones crunching beneath the car marked the end of their journey as they drove into the driveway of the funeral parlor. House woke from his daydream, the place was grim and depressing. _It ought to be_, he thought_, it is a where dead people go. _He took a deep breath in through his nose as he caught sight of his mother who was welcoming people in. Cuddy turned to look at him as she switched off the engine; he was silent, looking straight ahead. They stayed like that for a good 30 seconds and as Cuddy opened her mouth to say something, Rachel popped her head between the front seats. "I need to peeeee" she squalled, scrunching up her face and pouting. Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Rachel I'll take you in a second."

"Buts I needs to goes nowww, momma!" she let out an attempt at a plea. House snapped his neck around the seat and stared at her, almost growling. Rachel slowly retreated back to the seat with her arms crossed and frowned back at him. He turned his head back and saw Cuddy eyeing him suspiciously.

"What?" he exclaimed, "I need a pee too, you don't hear me complaining." He took another breath then quickly got out the car, grabbing his cane. Cuddy rolled her eyes for the millionth time; he was so childish at times, in fact he was nearly always childish. She got out the car herself and opened the door for Rachel, who slowly clambered out.

House was steadily limping towards the front door, his head was dropped and he was focusing his gaze on the rubber tip of his cane. As he finally decided to look up his eyes laid upon his mother, still greeting the final guest into the funeral parlor. Cuddy studied his walk as she followed behind him, Rachel holding her hand. His limp was far more pronounced than usual. She hadn't seen it this bad in years; he could barely stand up straight. She winced as she thought of the pain he must have been experiencing. Cuddy wished more than anything that he would talk to her about it, but she knew House would never do that and like many times before, he had told her people don't change, so she didn't expect him to ever open up to her.

By the time he reached the door most of the guest had gone in and his mum had focused her gaze up her him. Blythe's face was pale and seemed cold, there were dark circles around her puffy eyes and House knew she had only just stopped crying. He swallowed hard as he came to a stop in front of her. There eyes finally meeting but only for a second, as House quickly averted his gaze.

"Hi mom." He said in almost a whisper.

"Greg!" She smiled, as relief flared through her body and she hugged him tightly. Her perfume wafted around him as he reciprocated the hug, she still wore the scent of vanilla that he'd come to associate with her whilst growing up.

"I'm so glad you came." She said into the crook of his shoulder "Oh, it's a load off of my mind just to see you here. Your father would have wanted you to come"

The mention of John House caused Blythe to pause and sob slightly. She quickly raised a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle any more tears. House stiffened.

"I'm sorry, sometimes I forget that he's actually gone…"

"Yeah…" House said, drawing back a little from his mother's grasp.

It had been a long time since he had seen her cry. He actually hoped now John House was dead, the tears caused by him would finally be put to an end. Apparently not.

House could see she was trying to hold back a flood of tears, which were beckoning to be released and he swallowed whatever he was going to say, afraid that if he said anything he would say too much, as she carried on hugging him. He may have come across as a heartless jerk, which cared about no one but himself, yet he wasn't so heartless that he would make his own mother cry.

He felt her lift her head up off his shoulder and pull back from him, though the emotions on her face were not the type House expected to see at all from a grieving woman. Her eyes were filled with questions and she had a slight smile creeping onto her face.

"Greg you never told me!" she almost whispered to him in shock. House was completely confused, what on earth was she on about? Blythe tore her eyes away from him and settled her gaze behind him. He quickly swung around as fast as he could to try and make sense of what his mother was talking about.

"What are you-" but he was cut of from his sentence when he realized what was running through her mind. Blythe's face was lit up, looking at Rachel who was slowly walking now in front of Cuddy. He cursed inside as both the girls appeared beside him.

"Hi, I'm Lisa Cuddy" Cuddy held out her hand with a smile before changing her tone. "I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs House" She said with sincerity. The words 'Mrs House' felt so strange on her tongue.

"Oh congratulations Lisa." Blythe cried out as she ignored Cuddy's hand and hugged her. Cuddy smiled in return, not clear at all what the sudden outburst from House's mother was about and what she should be congratulated on.

"Umm thanks, Mrs House." She turned to House himself with a questioning look on her face, though he only shut his eyes with pure embarrassment, still not telling Cuddy what was going on.

"Don't be silly, call me Blythe." Cuddy smiled back at her, then looked down at Rachel who had cuddled herself into her side, nervous of the new person.

"You really have a beautiful child." Blythe spoke, hoping in someway the little child wasn't who she thought she was. Greg wouldn't be so cruel as to not tell her about the birth of her grandbaby.

"This is Rachel, Cuddy adopted her at the end of last year." House said, with the tiniest hint of jealousy in his words. Nobody picked up on it except himself, though he had not a clue why he even felt that way. He was long over the fact that Cuddy had a child, that she had…moved on…from him and everything else that he was associated with.

"So you're not Rachel's biological mother." Blythe questioned Cuddy, smiling warmly at her.

"No she's not." House answered quickly.

Blythe studied House's expressions for a second before seeing that he wanted to drop the subject, however it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Oh! Its funny I was going to say how much you two look alike, those eyes…I thought…Greg…" Blythe didn't have to explain the rest as Cuddy had figured it out.

"Mom listen." House quickly interrupted before the situation got out of hand but Cuddy stepped in.

"Oh no, Hou…Greg and I don't have any children!" Inwardly cringing at the use of his first name, it felt so foreign. The thought of them actually having children together, well, that was just…absurd!

Blythe looked up at House as he paused for a second, the light in her eyes had now vanished. "Oh, okay dear. Do you want any more children? Greg always used to brag about how he was going to have a MLL star as a son when he was a boy" The memory brought a warm smile back across the woman's face. Cuddy only coughed in surprise, trying to hide a giggle at the thought of House wanting children when he was so young.

"Any _more _children?" she questioned. "Oh, Blythe...we're not…"

Cuddy was cut off by House's hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay, honey. My mother doesn't understand." Cuddy frowned and pushed House's hand off of her shoulder, she was surprised at his tender move and term of endearment. "See , Cuddy can only adopt, well because…she's a man. She's had the operation and everything but...well, science has only come so far" he said in an amused tone trying to hide the broad smile plastered across his face.

"Greg!" the two women shouted in unison. "I'm so sorry Blythe, please pay no attention to your, excuse me, idiot son. He thinks he's funny" Cuddy explained.

Blythe chuckled, yet the amusement not reaching her once again grey eyes. "Oh, I've had to put up with it for eighteen years I'm used to his sarcasm. I was merely suggesting that..."

House cut her off. "We're not together . There will be no children between us."

"Really? Oh I am sorry, Lisa! I just thought, well, you both seem so comfortable around one another you can't blame me…" Blythe was cut off from her ramble by a tall man in a smart military suit.

"Uh, Mrs House. The service is ready to begin" he said, his eyes showing sympathy. Yet Cuddy saw daggers in House's as he stared at the imposing man.

"Right. Thank you, Michael. Lisa would you like to take Rachel inside or wait with her out here? I understand this may be distressing to such a small baby"

House's head shot up. Damn Rachel. He expected Cuddy to go in with him, not that he _needed_ her, of course he didn't. He was a man. But _fuck, _he didn't expect that she wouldn't be going in with him. Damn kid, nothing but a fucking nuisance.

Cuddy smiled and picked up Rachel. "She'll be fine, she has her toys to distract her"

"It's an open casket, dear" Blythe state solemnly.

"Aah" Cuddy said, handing Rachel the aforementioned toy. "House. Do you mind if we stay out here? It wouldn't be fair to Rachel."

House nodded. "Sure. You only drove me here after all, right. You're obviously not obligated to go in" He added a silent _luckily _under his breath and followed his mother through the white double doors. After all the joking aside his leg was really starting to cramp up and he felt weak just standing out in the cold winter. He wanted to get this over and done with, so he could forget him for good.

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><p><em>Please review, it makes us super dooper crazy happy.<em>

_~ Stephanie & Hollie._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Cuddy watched as House disappeared into the funeral parlour. She knew this was hard for him. In his own screwed up way he was grieving for his dad somehow. As he limped down the hall he tried not to look at the people sitting either side of him, though he still managed to catch some inquisitive looks at him. Most of the people he remembered hadn't seen him since his infarction. That was the hardest thing about his leg, excluding the constant pain; it came down to explaining to people what had happened. Usually he didn't bother, he would make a sarcastic remark and ignore them, yet there were always those occasions where he was cornered in to speaking about it. Those moments were the cruellest for him. Most people either pitied him because of it, or they wouldn't understand the depth of pain he was caused and all the problems that had followed after his injury, both scenarios ended badly.

House watched his mom stand at the front of the parlour, as he took his seat.

"Thank you all for coming. I only want to say a few words about my husband."

There was a pause as Blythe took a deep breath in, holding back a new wave of tears that threatened to spill over.

"Anyone who knew John understands he was a complicated man. Though underneath the strict and respectable manner he showed at work, he was a lovely family man and brilliant father." House gritted his teeth at those words; he didn't expect his mother to speak of John in any other way, even though he was secretly hoping she wouldn't.

"He helped raise our only son into the incredible man he is today and I wouldn't have wanted our time spent with him any other way." At that House caught a glimmer of guilt pass through her eyes. He knew Blythe hated preaching about how amazing of a father John was, when they both knew it was complete crap. It was the countless times House would come down to eat his dinner and find it thrown in the bin because he was a few minutes late or the endless stabs of how he didn't try hard enough in school, or wasn't good enough at sport so therefore he had to stay outside in the freezing weather and work. John House believed in one thing and one thing only, if something wasn't straight, then beat it till it was. In House's case many things weren't straight and even though weren't too bad; they weren't perfect either, which coursed pain and misery, ending in no improvement what so ever.

Blythe dropped her eyes to the floor; House could see she was on the verge of a break down.

"I'd now like my son, Gregory to come up and say a few words…" she mumbled talking to the floor. House held his breath, he knew this moment was coming, however much he tried not to think about it. A million things started running through his head as he slowly stood up, swopping seats with his mother. _Why the hell did cuddy have to bring me here, I bet she gets a real dig out of all this, bringing along that kid as well. _He stood in front of the casket, trying not to rub his agonizing leg, if he did that it bring it to the attention the audience in front of him._ Bloody leg, so fucking screwed up like the rest of my shit life. _His gaze floated around the room for a few more seconds, eyeing up the men wearing uniforms that made them feel self-important. _Stop! Why am I directing my anger at __Cuddy, when it's that jerk behind me I should be fuming at? He was the one that took pleasure out of torturing me to no limit. He was the one who didn't care for my problems and told me to suck it up. Not cuddy. Not Rachel. Not my mum. _House stood up as straight as he could ignoring the white hot burning pain in his leg as he cleared his throat.

"As my mom said before, John was a man who put every aspect of his life in to his work." He paused and looked into his mom's eyes, he was sorry she was going to hear what he was about to say, but it needed to be said.

"So much so his work became part of my life too. The man was so hard working, that everyone around him had to be just as hard to survive. Looking around now, I only see men who are at an equal rank or higher than my father, because that is how he lived his life; second best was as good as last for him. For those of you here who respected the man, I guess you could say he was overly committed. Perhaps he was just trying to be a good father." House paused and lowered his gaze sternly

"All I know is that he didn't achieve it." With that House turned round to look at the white corps behind him.

Johns face stared at him, looking just as cold and displeased as it always had done when greeted with the sight of his son. He was done. The 50 odd year battles between the two men were over. So why did it still feel like the war raged on? House swivelled back to the audience in front of him; they were all still stunned in to silence. He slowly limped down off the raised platform and traipsed towards the exit doors again. He didn't bother taking a seat and listening to the rest of the speeches, he'd done his bit and he needed out before he collapsed due to the sheer weight of the whole ordeal. Blythe only watched him disappear through the doors as he left and was replaced by another speaker from the core.

Cold fresh air wound its way round Houses body as he stepped outside. The icy touch hitting his leg harshly as he stumbled forward, sitting down heavy on the steps leading into the parlour. Whilst massaging his leg, Cuddy spotted him, as she was sitting in the car opposite. She put her magazine down and studied his hunched over figure. He was staring off somewhere, clutching as his leg tightly; his pained expression on his face told her all she needed to know. Glancing back at Rachel who was sleeping peacefully on the back seat, Cuddy opened the car door and walked over to House. His blue eyes shot over to her, surprise etched into his face, but it quickly disappeared. They didn't say anything as Cuddy sat down beside him on the steps; he merely looked over to her.

"She'll be pissed at me for saying what I did back in there."

Cuddy looked at him, wanting to know more about what he was talking about.

"She won't say anything to me because deep down she agrees with what I said about him. But she'll be pissed I said it anyway." He sighed and picked up a stone, playing with it between his nimble fingers. House waited for Cuddy to say something, but when nothing came he decided to take the opportunity to carry on.

"It wasn't like my mom couldn't see the obvious tension between us. It was like sometimes he _liked_ showing off how much he hated me, what with all the jokes him made about me to his friends." Cuddy looked at House, who was looking out to some distant place again. It sounded like he was talking about two silly boys, one picking on the other, though she knew it was a lot more than that.

"Even though at times, when nobody else was around to see, he would still give me ice baths. Telling me it was for something bad I'd done; like he had nothing better to do than watch me suffer." He looked over to Cuddy who was intently listening to him. She was so wrapped up in what he was telling her, that she didn't realise she was shivering.

"Cuddy you're cold" He stated blatantly. "We should sit in the car."

She nodded silently and stood up quickly, though he was left on the ground with his eyes screwed shut, willing the pain away in his leg. Cuddy bit her lip as she watched him stand up and cringe with agony.

Just as they were about to move off, they heard the shuffling of feet and muttering, as the funeral parlour started to empty itself. It wasn't long before many people were jumping in to their cars and pulling out of the depressing place. It was Blythe who was last to emerge from the doors, as House and Cuddy were slowly walking back to the car, taking their time, neither one talking.

"Greg Lisa!" Blythe shouted.

House groaned and turned around to see his mom walking hurriedly towards them.

"I'm having a little dinner with a few family friends, Greg you know some of them, I was wondering if you'd come and join us." She had that pleading look in her eyes.

"Well Greg and I should really get go…" House surprisingly cut Cuddy off in mid-sentence.

"It's ok mom, we'll come." Blythe smiled warmly and scurried off to another group of people, not wanting to give him a second to change his mind.

Cuddy only looked at House in wonder. A few minutes ago he seemed like he couldn't even cope being in the presence of these people who seemed to worship his father. Now he openly wanted to go to his mother's house and spend more time with them.

"It's ok. You don't have to make excuses."

"Oh, I'm Sorry House, I just thought you would want to leave as soon as possible."

"Yeah, me too. I don't know why I agreed, I certainly don't want to go. I just…She had that look on her face." Cuddy nodded and walked round to the side of the car, stepping inside.

The heating inside the car was switched up as high as it could go, while House was frantically rubbing his mangled leg, which didn't go unnoticed by Cuddy, as she pulled into his mom's driveway.

"Are you sure you want to go in? I can still just tell her I need to get back to put Rachel to bed" House shook his head.

"It's ok. You and Rachel need to eat anyway."

Cuddy couldn't believe he was being so thoughtful it wasn't him at all. Since when did he ever think about anyone else other than himself? She guessed it was another way of him making needless excuses to go inside. He would much rather act completely out of character than _admit_ to her that he just wanted to do something nice for his mom. He stepped out of the car and watched Rachel cling onto Cuddy's hand as they all waited at Blythe's door.

The scent of freshly cooked food and warmth hit the three guests standing at the door as Blythe opened it slowly. House followed Cuddy and Rachel in as they were escorted straight to the dining room. A few higher ranked men from John's corps were seated at the far end of the table, along with two sets of older couples, who had joined them for dinner. They all stared at House, Cuddy and Rachel as the entered the room.

"So that's it then, shall we start eating?" Blythe said, trying to layer her voice with a bright tone. House and Cuddy sat down beside each other. Rachel was sitting next to Cuddy, with a few pillows stacked beneath her to make her tall enough to see over the table a little. House was silent as he started to fill his plate with food. Though talk soon started to come back to the subject of John again, causing House to tighten inside.

"The man had such a marvellous brain don't you think?" One of the men from the corps asked, directing the question to the other military men and House. Though Cuddy and Blythe both hoped there would no answers from him tonight.

"I completely agree. The man saw possibilities in everything." Another man from the corps replied.

As the conversation carried on between the group of men at the end of the table, Blythe began to quietly talk to Cuddy and House, causing a noticeable divide on the table.

"So what do you do exactly Lisa. I've heard plenty of you, but only from what Greg has told me, and I've learnt not to believe anything he says." She smiled as Cuddy laughed and looked at him. His body faced away from the rest of the men at the end of the table and he was eager to listen to any conversation other than the one that was currently taking place.

"I'm Dean of medicine at PPTH. So I oversee many things, such as your son's crazy cases and the mad things he tries to do."

"Mad things are needed Cuddy to be done when all else fails." House spoke up, forgetting about the rest of the people on the table and she laughed.

"Some things are too mad to practice on living people though." She turned to face him slightly and he reciprocated.

"Oh please, you trust me on everything I do, that's why you let me get away with all of it." Cuddy only opened her mouth in shock.

"I do not let you get away with _everything!"_ she protested, leaving Blythe to watch their usual banter. She smiled at how well the two of them got on and glanced over to Rachel, who was happily watching the two adults discuss who controlled who.

"So is this what it's like all the time between you too?" Blythe joked.

"I'm sorry. Your son just has a way of bringing a different side of me. One I only usually keep for him as he is the only one willing to test my limits." Blythe nodded, agreeing at Cuddy's words. For a second their conversation went silent and the casual chatting between the men at the end of the table could be over heard.

"Too right!" one of the men exclaimed to another man sitting next to him. "John was just unlucky to be given such a stubborn child. He did the best he could with what he had, but there's only so much a man can do." The men laughed heartlessly as Cuddy looked at House quickly but she was too late, he was already on his way to standing up.

"House" she whispered, pleading him to sit down; just to ignore it. Yet it was no good.

"Shut the fuck up." He spat at the men, their faces wiped with astonishment at his words. He then grabbed his cane and limped out of the dining room harshly.

* * *

><p><em>Next chapter will be up tomorrow :):):)<em>

_Have a great day!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Cuddy apologized to the group, even though she honestly didn't mean it. From what House had previously told her and what she'd just picked up on from the men's cruel jokes she was dead certain his father was exactly the same as them, a complete bastard. No matter what those guys could say about John House, he was a man that showed no mercy.

Picking up Rachel and putting her on her hip she quickly walked out of the home, not looking back as Blythe tried to follow. She reached the porch and stopped. House was leaning against her car, quite obviously in pain. His posture was bent and he was leaning down, digging his palm into his thigh. She grimaced in empathy .No one deserved to be in so much pain all the time.

He looked up as the sound of her heels got louder and louder the closer she got to him.

"Don't." he said, anticipating her touching him.

Cuddy nodded and reached into his jacket pocket, he'd left it on the back of his chair when he made his hasty escape, and pulled out his vial of vicodin. Shaking out two pills and handing them to him she fought with herself not to feel guilty. She wasn't feeding his addiction, he was quite obviously in physical pain and it was her duty as a doctor to prevent that pain.

"Get in the car." She whispered to him "I'll drive us to the hotel" Cuddy said, opening the back door of the car and sliding Rachel into her car seat.

Cuddy covered Rachel with her travel blankie and clipped in the fasteners, the little girl completely oblivious to the tension as she fought against the sleep that was overcoming her. House slowly made his way over to the passenger side, the throbbing in his thigh moving down from agonizing pain to a more tolerable severe ache thanks to the vicodin. He slid himself into the passenger seat and leant his head against the window. His clenched fist covering his mouth, he was so goddamn _livid. _But he couldn't help that lump in his throat each time he swallowed. Breathing in deeply through his nose and exhaling through his mouth, causing a little drawing pad of steam to form on the window, he fought to regain his composure as Cuddy re-entered the car.

"You booked a hotel?" he asked as he began to draw on the patch of steam before it disappeared. Cuddy took the question as a hint that he wanted to tlak about something else other than what had just happened.

"Yeah, I figured none of us would be up for the drive back" Cuddy said as she put in her key and started the car."And stop doing that! It'll leave a mark" She scolded, slapping House's hand from her window. Her slender fingers wrapped around his long rough ones as she pulled his hand away. They both looked at each other, making eye contact. The moonlight caressed both of their faces and softened the harsh lines creasing House's face, making him appear years younger. Cuddy felt her heart rate increase as his deep blue eyes stared intently into hers. But it was soon over.

"Sorry." House said, letting go of her hand.

_What the hell was that?_ Cuddy thought. The sudden increase in her heart rate was not a usual reaction to touching his hand. She felt compelled to be closer to him. Did she actually want to kiss him? No. That was ridiculous. This was House's she was thinking about, that would be irrational and unprofessional. Too many questions flooded her mind as she cleared her throat.

"It's okay. It probably won't even leave a mark" she added, feeling a little bad about being so harsh on him for drawing on her car.

"I didn't mean the window. I meant what happened earlier. The swearing and shouting…you know…in front of Rachel…I just…I couldn't take it anymore." House said quietly, his eyes not breaking apart once from her own. The darkness as well as the pills had caused his pupils to dilate and Cuddy couldn't help but be in awe of them. His eyes expressed everything his stone cold self didn't.

"I understand, House." She said, once again taking hold of his hand and giving it a quick squeeze before letting it go and shifting the car into gear.

House knew she understood. It was absolutely _terrifying_ that she understood. No one else, beside his mom, knew about the torment he went through as a child and the utter hatred he felt for his father. It was his secret, a sign of weakness on his front, and with the physical weakness he displayed everyday he couldn't handle showing any emotional weakness too. But now that Cuddy knew, she could use it against him…but then he reexamined that thought…or she could completely turn it around and use it to bring them closer. He knew which one he would prefer, but that was another one of his secrets, one he wasn't going to open up as easily too.

Once they reached the hotel the pain in House's thigh had subsided enough that he offered to carry Rachel inside while Cuddy checked them in. She smiled at his new helpful nature, but knew not to take it for granted. It was a small hotel, more like a bed & breakfast home, which was to be expected as it was a mere 3* rated place. There weren't any lavish hotels in this small part of town.

Once Cuddy had got their key they made their way to their room. House was surprised at the fact that Cuddy had booked one room for both of them…and the kid. Apparently the place had been fully booked that weekend, who knew?

Opening the door to their room House immediately made his way over to the bed and as carefully as he could and placed Rachel, who had snuggled in to his chest, down onto the soft white sheets.

"Well this is…nice" Cuddy said, taking a look around the room.

As someone of her calibre she wasn't used to staying in such basic hotels. She hadn't had to stay in anything less than 5* for a long time, that wasn't being snobbish, it was just the perks of being a successful doctor and Dean of Medicine.

The walls were beige with a few paintings of sunsets and boats hanging up high. A double bed with thick white sheets and a sleeping toddler sprawled out on it took up a large portion of the room, with a cozy blue couch placed adjacent to it. Opposite the couch was a small kitchen with a coffee maker. _Thank god_ Cuddy thought. There was a door to bathroom next to the bed and a couple of items of furniture placed against the all on the right side. It was definitely cozy.

"Yeah, its…cozy " House agreed, reading Cuddy's mind. _Posh git _he joked to himself, as he threw himself down onto the bed. Making sure he hadn't woken Rachel he placed a pillow under his head and looked seductively at Cuddy.

"Wanna Cuddle, boss?" he asked, his lips curving up into a grin.

Cuddy only laughed. "In your dreams, stud. I'm going to take a shower. Don't wake Rach" she said as she reached into her bag, taking out a pair of long pajamas and her vanity case.

"I can help you. I'm a master at getting those…_unreachable_ places"

"'I'm pretty sure I can get at those…_unreachable_ places myself. Go away" she said, laughing as she entered the bathroom.

House was stunned into silence. Laying back onto the bed he looked at the sleeping child next to him. She had a couple of strands of hair in her mouth and for reasons completely unknown to him he reached over and brushed them behind her ear. He frowned at the sudden action, it had taken him by surprise himself.

Cuddy walked out of the bathroom and made her way over to the kitchen where House had made a pot of coffee. Her towel dried hair was brushed straight causing it to appear longer than normal and made her look younger, much like the Cuddy he'd known back in Michigan. Handing her a cup, Cuddy smiled her thanks and leant against the counter.

"I don't have anything to sleep in" House stated.

Cuddy froze. In all the effort it took to get House into the car and to the funeral she had completely overlooked bringing anything for him, besides his vicodin of course.

"Oh my god" Cuddy giggled "I completely forgot!" she exclaimed. She had lost her 'Dean of Medicine Cuddy' attitude and seemed more at ease.

House smiled with her. "I guess I could just go commando" he shrugged

Cuddy looked at him in seriousness, eyes widening. "Not with Rachel here, House. No way"

"Ahh I get it.. so you're saying if the parasite wasn't here you'd be okay with getting me naked?" het turned to face her.

Cuddy blushed. "Rachel is not a parasite…and I do not want to get you naked either."

"You do. Admit it." He smirked.

"I do not"

"Admit it"

"House, shut up"

"Admit it, admit it, admit…"

House was suddenly silenced by Cuddy's lips covering his own. He was completely surprised by her impulse action and his mouth remained closed, eager to see if Cuddy would initiate deepening the kiss. When he felt her tongue run against his bottom lip he opened his mouth slowly, allowing her access as his lips massaged against her own. He shut his eyes and continued to go with it, thrusting his tongue into her mouth stroking the roof of her mouth. As a doctor he knew this was an erogenous zone and the moan that escaped her and vibrated against his tongue made him want her more. He moved a hand up to her jaw line as he placed it on her delicate skin. He ground his pelvis into hers; letting her feel the effect she was having on him already. Cuddy ran her hands through his soft hair as they continued kissing, moaning with want, as she felt his hand leave her jaw and by replaced against her ass and his growing erection against her lower stomach. It was crazy how turned on he already was by her, she smiled as she registered this in her mind. House reached his hands up beneath her night shirt and stroked up her back, reaching for her bra. Cuddy suddenly froze, as much as she wanted to do this, wanted to have sex…wanted to have sex with House, she couldn't. This would be taking advantage. He was probably grieving, in his own way, and was definitely affected by the day and night's events. She reluctantly pulled her mouth away from his and reached down, pulling his warm hands away from her torso.

"House…don't" she said, noticing his confused and rather hurt expression.

"Cuddy?" His eyes were searching hers for an explanation.

"I…I'm sorry I can't do this. It's not right."

"It feels kinda right, actually it feels damn awesome."

"You're not thinking clearly…_I'm _not thinking clearly. I can't take advantage of you like this."

"It's not taking advantage if I want this too."

Cuddy stroked House's cheek with her finger and lightly kissed his stubbled jaw. He instantly leaned in to her touch and she mentally kicked herself again as she moved away from him.

"I couldn't cope with a one night stand…not with you."

"Right…" House said dejectedly, wanting to appear hurt but truthfully knowing and understanding exactly what she was talking about. Sex with her wouldn't be a 'one-time' thing. Not only would he not allow it, he wouldn't repeat what happened in med school, he knew once she'd had a taste of his skills again she'd be inseparable from him. Though deeper down it was also the fact that having a one-night stand with _her,_ would be filled with emotions he would usually never invest with other one time fling.

"We should go to bed" Cuddy said trying to push past what had nearly just gone down.

House's face lit up. "I definitely agree."

"Not together you pervert, I'll take the pull out with Rach and you can have the bed."

House nodded his agreement and helped her pull out the bed from the couch, it was only a single and with Rachel it was going to be a tight squeeze.

"I'll take the couch." House said, not really knowing where this selflessness was coming from.

Cuddy shook her head and tucked a still sleeping Rachel into the sofa bed. "Honestly, take the bed. I like snuggling with her, plus your leg needs a good mattress"

House smiled at her and nodded as he hobbled over to the large bed. He took off his jeans and buttoned shirt, leaving him in his boxers and Rolling Stones tee shirt. Cuddy couldn't help but check out his ass as he pulled down his jeans. Her gaze, however, was drawn to the angry looking scar on his leg. Laying back on the bed and getting himself comfortable he piled the pillows under his head and shut his eyes.

"Sure you don't wanna join me?" He joked.

Cuddy laughed as she wrapped her arm around her child and pulled the blanket up to their chin.

"Goodnight, House"

House smiled and flicked the light switch that was above the headboard, casting the room into darkness.

"Night, Cuddy."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Rachel woke first the next morning. She looked over at her sleeping mother and snuggled up against her soft chest, relishing in the warmth that was radiating out. She had almost completely fallen back to sleep when she was awoken with a fright as a loud noise came from the big bed beside her.

Looking around Rachel didn't know where she was. She couldn't remember coming to this strange place she was now in or ever being here before. But her mommy was here, and that's all that mattered. The bed moved and she heard a low growl come from above her. Bottom lip trembling Rachel shook Cuddy's shoulder, trying to get her mother to wake up.

"Momma" she whispered

Cuddy didn't stir.

"Momma!" Rachel tried again, receiving a "Shh" from Cuddy and a petite feminine arm wrapped around her shoulders.

House sat up and looked down at Cuddy and Rachel. Cuddy was laying on her left side, her brown curly hair splayed over her face and a cute sleepy pout on her lips. Her arm was wrapped around Rachel's small body, the little girl wide awake, with shocking blue eyes looking directly in to his. For the first time he could truly understand the effect his eyes must have on people, as Rachel's vibrant blue bounced off his. He thought of the amount of crap the little girl is going to be able to get away with, one simple puppy dog look and she would be off the hook with Cuddy. On second thoughts he realised that's exactly what he did to her. House bent over the side of the bed and reached into the pocket of his jeans. He pulled out a vial of vicodin and popped a couple of pills before even thinking about dealing with the little annoyance.

"Hey" House grumbled at her, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Hi" Rachel responded, gathering courage, climbing out of her mother's hold and planting her feet on the cold tiled floor.

"I hafta potty" she said to House as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and stretched slightly.

House groaned and looked down at Cuddy, internally debating whether to wake her. She was snoring softly with her arm now draped over her eyes, obviously still deep in sleep.

"Can't you potty by yourself?" he questioned, looking back at Rachel.

"Yes … but momma opens my buttoms"

"You're not wearing any _buttons_" House stated with a little too much irritation in his voice

Rachel glanced down at her outfit, he was right. She was dressed in a long pair of pink pyjama pants and a matching shirt with a glittery unicorn printed on.

"Where is da potty?" she asked frantically, really needing to go.

House began to panic; he did not want to have to deal with any mess or even worse a crying child right now.

"_The toilet" _He pointed to the door next to the bed. "Is in there" he stated bluntly.

"Ta" Rachel whispered as she quickly toddled into the bathroom.

House dug his palm into his thigh, trying to aid the vicodin in reducing the unwanted but inevitable morning ache. He grabbed his cane and got out of bed, moving into the kitchenette to make a pot of coffee. He smiled as he remembered the events that occurred in this very room the night before. Oh Cuddy so wanted him. House grinned and poured the last of the complimentary coffee granules into the machine before switching it on.

A loud bang came from the bathroom, sounding very much like a toilet seat slamming down against the bowl. Cuddy jumped as the noise startled her from her sleep. Reaching out with her hand she was met with cold empty sheets causing her to panic and open her eyes. The morning sunlight had filled the room making her squint, although she could still only make out the silhouette of House in the kitchenette. Her mind was suddenly cast back to the previous night and what happened in that kitchen. _Oh go__d _Cuddy thought as she felt the heat rise in her cheeks and the panic fill her belly. _Shit … shit shit fuck! _Her mind filled with profanities aimed at herself. _I kissed him. I bloody kissed House. Fuck... I kissed House. He's not going to let this go. Oh, __how am I going to face him? The amount of crap he is going to say, __and then there's the gossip to W__ilson..._her mind worked in overdrive before being calmed as she watched her daughter toddle out of the bathroom and moved towards House. Focusing on the child, cuddy was able to smile as she sat up in bed, ignoring the other figure in the kitchen. Rachel really was growing up fast. Lifting her arms, Cuddy clicked her back as she yawned, which got House's attention.

"Ahh look! The monster has awoken!" House yelled in mock fear to Rachel.

Rachel looked around the room quickly, before realising House was referring to her mom. Rachel scowled at House. "That momma"

"Momma monster" House said

"My momma is no monster"

"Oh believe me kid, your mother is a monster"

Cuddy chose that moment to enter the kitchen, scoop her daughter up into her arms and swat House's arm. The contact made her heart stop for a second, as she tried to forget about the previous night.

"Momma monster wants coffee" she said sleepily, reaching out for House's cup.

"Back off" House admonished. "Get your own"

Cuddy huffed and poured some coffee into her own cup, she drew circles on Rachel's back as the little girl nuzzled into her chest, finding intense comfort in her mother's presence. House started to feel uncomfortable with the silence; he gulped down the remainder of his coffee and moved to the bathroom to take a shower.

A while later once everyone was washed and dressed Cuddy had an employee from the hotel come and move their luggage to the car. It was nearly 2pm because of the late start to the day.

"Do you want to go get some late lunch before we leave? It'll be a long drive back and I don't want Rach to get hungry" Cuddy paused and thought for a second " Or you for that matter." House looked at her questionably.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he almost laughed.

"Oh please, you become a right bundle of joy when you're hungry."

"Now you know why Wilson feeds me so well." He smirked playfully, though Cuddy only nodded in return, still feeling the pressure of last night's memories trickling through her mind.

Once they were all strapped into the car Rachel babble away, half of her words not making much sense. "Momma I want roni!" Rachel shouted from the backseat.

"What the hell is 'roni'?" House asked, turning to look at Rachel expecting reply, though he remembered she was only around 2 years old.

"She means macaroni. Say it, Rachel. Ma-ca-roni"

"Ca-ma-roni"

House laughed out loud at Rachel's inability to say the word causing Cuddy to scowl. She turned her attention back to the front of the car. "I spotted an Olive Garden as we were driving in. That'll be fine" Cuddy said with finality as she put the car into drive and pulled out of the hotel's parking lot. House only nodded silently and absentmindedly massaged his mutilated leg.

Entering the restaurant House immediately regretted his decision to join them. The small place was full of families and kids shouting and eating noisily, which only caused him to groan as he felt his head start to tighten. Cuddy quickly found a table and went to look for a waitress to fetch a special high chair for Rachel. Looking around House grimaced at the people sitting opposite. One couple in particular, a man and a woman trying, and failing, to get a small boy to eat his spaghetti. House felt a wave of nervousness and.. fear fill him when he realised that from the outside, they too looked like a perfectly normal family together, just like the ones around him, which made him groan in despair . Cuddy returned with a petite blond woman carrying the highchair.

"Hi, I'm Olivia! You guys have such a cute little girl!" the waitress squeaked, much too happily, as she ruffled Rachel's hair, causing her to giggle as the woman set up the high chair. "Here are the menus, I'll be back in a tick to grab your orders, kay!" without a reply the woman shoved the leather bound menus to House, looking at him with a wide smile and then literally bounced away.

"Wow" Cuddy said as she looked through the menu. "She was happy"

"She's obviously got a mental illness" House stated.

"House, it is possible that she's just happy" Cuddy rolled her eyes, but when she glanced at him he looked unamused and irritated, which for some reason she felt guilty for.

"Happy people don't cut their arms. Check them out when she comes back; they're covered in parallel scars. What goes up must come down, right?"

Cuddy huffed at House's accusation but couldn't stop herself from staring at the young woman's arms when she returned to take their orders.

"So guys, you all ready to order?" She asked, pulling out her notebook.

"I'll have the steak Toscano with a side of fries instead of vegetables and an extra serving of garlic bread." House said quickly, shutting the menu with a slam. "Oh, and I want barbeque dipping sauce on the side and a glass of Johnny Walker black on the rocks."

Olivia hurriedly scribbled down his order before turning to Rachel. "What do you want, sweetie?" She said in a rather patronising voice, though it was only House who seemed to be annoyed by it, not Rachel.

"Camaroni" Rachel said in a small voice, pointing to the picture of the food in the children's menu.

"Macaroni, awesome! You'll get an apple juice box with that too. And mommy?"

"Uhh... I'll have the garden fresh salad and a diet coke" Cuddy said with a smile as she handed over the menus.

House groaned and grabbed a menu from Olivia's grasp. "Rabbit food? Seriously?" he pushed the menu back in front of Cuddy. "You haven't eaten since yesterday evening and now you're only ordering a _salad?" _he seemed to grimace at the word.

"Unlike some people I actually care about my health" she said, becoming irritated by House's outburst.

"Obviously not. Cuddy, that wouldn't sustain a bird. It's no wonder you're so skinny. Now choose some actual _food"_

"_Fine!" _she exclaimed, knowing House was right. She was actually pretty hungry. "I'll have the... uhh…I'll have the Zuppa Toascana"

"Fabulous" Olivia squeaked, taking the menu off Cuddy.

"Fabulous" House copied, in a much less cheery tone.

Just under twenty minutes later their food was delivered to the table. The three quickly started tucking into their meals, not realising how hungry they actually were.

"Rachel stop messing" Cuddy chastised her daughter who was currently arranging the pasta on her plate into a pattern.

"I want icecream!" Rachel practically shouted.

House squeezed his eyes shut at the loud noise, keeping his head low. No way was he getting himself involved in this. An exact reason why children were the most annoying creatures on the planet.

"No Rachel, finish your macaroni"

Rachel pushed the plate away but quietened. Cuddy decided that was enough for her and they went back to eating. House was just about to dip a fry into his sauce when he noticed a small chunk of macaroni squished into it.

"Rachel" he sighed, looking at the child.

"I want saws" she explained, trying to remove the pasta with her fingers.

"Eurgh, get your dirty hand out of my sauce" he said sternly.

Rachel took her hand away from the barbeque dip and Cuddy quickly wiped them off with a wet wipe.

"Eat your dinner, Rachel" she said in her angry mom voice.

Lowering her head Rachel sat back in her seat, pushing around her macaroni with her child fork. "Want saws" she said in a low voice that House picked up on. She made a face that was in between a pout, which she obviously acquired from Cuddy, and a watery eyed stare.

"Fine" He said. _Anything to quiet the little rat,_ he told himself. Picking up his tub of sauce he spooned a good dollop over Rachel's pasta, making the small girl smile happily.

"Now eat it and _shut up"_ Cuddy frowned at him, though it was quickly replaced with a smiled as Rachel started eating her meal with gusto. A silence quickly overcame the table.

"So.." Cuddy started, trying to initiate some kind of conversation.

"So..?" House questioned his mouth full of food.

"About last night, I just wanna say..." Cuddy stopped. She didn't know _what_ she wanted to say. "Last night cannot happen again" she finally stated, causing House to stop and look at her directly in the eyes. _God, his eyes are intoxicating_ she thought, before internally shaking herself back into reality.

"Why? From what I saw you enjoyed it and I certainly enjoyed it. Your little ass rubbing up against my.." He tried to cover up his true feelings with an inappropriate remark but was cut off.

"House!" Cuddy shouted, startling Rachel and getting the attention of the other customers, causing Cuddy to go a light shade of red.

"All I'm saying is that if we did something that we both enjoyed, or _almost_ did something, then why not do it again?" He smirked at her.

"Because someone will get hurt" Cuddy replied matter of factually

"I'm a gentle lover." House said, swooshing his head.

"You know what I mean, House. It can't be just sex." Cuddy mouthed the word 'sex', not wanting Rachel to be repeating it anytime soon.

He sighed at her words, not for once what to say "I don't want a relationship" House said quickly. _What the fuck, man. _He internally kicked himself hard. He wanted a relationship with her. Just without the whole 'relationship' part … and the kid. God no. He couldn't stand the little parasite, what with her pining for Cuddy 24/7 there would be no way of getting her to himself.

"I agree" Cuddy said.

She didn't agree. No way, she'd known this man over twenty years, twenty years of foreplay and chemistry building up and up inside of her. This was her chance to get release. She could finally let out all the pent up frustration he'd inadvertently given her. She looked over at Rachel, who was sipping her apple juice completely unaware of the serious conversation the two adults were having. Cuddy felt a wave of protectiveness wash over her. She couldn't do this. Couldn't possibly put herself in such a risky relationship when she had a child. Rachel needed someone stable, someone who could provide her daughter with consistent, responsive and sensitive care, and if she couldn't find a man to do that then she was prepared to provide the little girl with it herself. A drug addict with commitment problems would not do at all. Even if it was House. After all the trouble she went through to get Rachel there was not once inch of doubt that she was her world now. House … House could never step up to the plate of being a father figure … she continuously tried to tell herself.

"Good" House said simply, though through a clenched jaw, preventing any further stupid words escaping. He pushed his plate away from him as he finished the last of his meal.

"Yeah" Cuddy said quietly, eating the last of her food.

"You done, Rach?" she asked, looking into the child's plate and smiling when she saw it was practically empty.

"I eated it all." Rachel said proudly.

"Yes you _ate _it all! Well done, sweetie. Do you want an ice cream" Cuddy cooed at her daughter.

"I eated it all too, mommy. Do I get ice cream?" House joked, looking rather hopeful.

"I don't want no icecream" Rachel interjected. "I'm tired" she said, rubbing her eyes with her small closed fists.

"Okay sweetie, we'll go now" Cuddy said, lifting Rachel out of the high chair and sitting her on her lap.

House lifted his hand and signalled for Olivia to come over. Smiling, she efficiently carried the plates away she quickly returned with the bill.

"Let me pay" Cuddy said, reaching for the small bill.

"I wasn't planning on objecting" House said causing Cuddy to roll her eyes.

"Let me pay for my meal" he said suddenly, surprising himself just as much as Cuddy. Why the hell did he say that, he never paid for anything, especially not food, Wilson would know that.

"It's okay, House. My treat"

"I can think of a better treat you can give me" He said seductively.

Cuddy laughed and shook her head. Ultimately glad that he was back to his normal self. No matter what House went through with John when he was younger, he was irrevocably a large part of House's life and his death would, of course, have had an effect on him.

Cuddy paid the bill and left a hefty tip for Olivia, who proceeded in giving Cuddy a large hug in gratitude. The three made their way to Cuddy's car and got in, preparing for the long drive back to Princeton.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey guys! We would just like to say THANKS SO MUCH! for all the reviews, each and every one of you really make us smile & makes writing this totally worth it, so thank you!_

_And now for some angsty angst angst. Mwahaha :D_

**Chapter 7**

The room seemed blurry and for a second everything stood still, that was before a wave of nausea hit him and his senses were sent whirling into overdrive. House sat up and grabbed his stomach as his head started to spin from the sudden elevation. It quickly became apparent that he was not in his bed as he sat up right on his couch, hitting over a couple of empty glass bottles that were surrounding him. He swivelled his legs off the sofa, cradling his right and tried to stand up, which only resulted in the loud sound of more empty bottles falling to the hard wooden floor. As he began to wade across his living room he let himself fall into the wall, clutching his thigh in agony. His hand remembering the familiar feeling of his mangled body part as he massaged the hard flesh, trying the relieve some of the agony. The sole blame of his misery. Groaning and taking deep shallow breaths, he pulled himself up; knowing that if he didn't reach the toilet quickly he'd have another familiar mess to deal with.

Wiping his eyes after splashing them with cold water, he stood in front of his bathroom mirror. His stomach had now been completely emptied leaving him with a bitter taste in his mouth, unlike the welcome bitterness of his vicodin pills. He stared at himself; he looked tired and worn down and a new nagging sensation pounded in his chest. He couldn't, and honestly didn't want to, understand where that was from. His eyes dropped to the sink where he saw the pleasurable sight of an orange cylinder full of vicodin staring up at him. Popping open the top with his thumb he dropped out 3 on to his hand effortlessly and looked at them. Usually, two pills were all he needed after waking up to quieten his screaming thigh, though coupled with a killer hang over, one of his worst, called for an extra kick. Dry swallowing them soon lead to a beautiful numbing relief and he sighed deeply. Now he could function.

Waking up to the ominous blaring of her alarm, Cuddy rolled over to switch it off. The red light glistened 6:30am. She had purposely given herself 'a lie in' because of the tiresome journey she encountered the night before. It had been a quiet ride and lucky Rachel had slept the whole way, House too had been suspiciously quiet and every time she glanced over to him his mind seemed to be somewhere else, with solemn eyes looking out the window. Cuddy knew there was no use in asking him if he was all right, the question would either lead to an argument or she would not get a reply at all. To be honest she had a pestering feeling that she knew what was up with him. The trip to his father's funeral had made him act strange, It was little things such as the way he had opened up to slightly to her, perhaps bringing them closer, and she feared their closeness was on his mind. The kiss. Though that was something she really didn't want to deal with, not in a car anyway, where there was no escaping.

Cuddy stretched as she leaned over into her yoga pose, breathing steadily, focusing her energy. She was clearing her mind from all thoughts when she heard Rachel's calls, her one clear ind became fuzzy again as she quit the rest of the workout to tend to her daughter. The clock was nearing 6:55am as Cuddy placed Rachel in her highchair and gave her some breakfast. Cuddy sipped at her coffee, knowing it would be one of many today. She didn't really have much going on, though her eyes still felt the need to flutter shut every so often giving her a few seconds of precious rest.

It was 7:38am by the time Cuddy had gotten out the shower and around to applying her makeup. There was a gentle knock at the door making her jump slightly before she realised it was just Marina coming to fulfil her duties of looking after Rachel. As House would put it Marina filled the role of mom, whilst Cuddy was out tending to her other baby, the hospital. She finished putting on her eyeliner before answering the door. "Marina, hi!"

"Doctor Cuddy! I'm sorry I'm a little late, the traffic was bad." Marina smiled apologetically.

"Marina I've told you call me Lisa." Cuddy said as she led her in to the house. Marina hadn't been working as Rachel's nanny for long, but she had seemed to have taken to her quickly. It had been funny the first time Cuddy had brought a man home from one of her online dating meet ups and Marina had just been on her way out. The nanny had taken Cuddy to the side and given her opinion on him, just like a mother would have. It made Cuddy laugh at how much the woman cared. As Cuddy recalled it was one of the only dates she had been on that hadn't resulted in a disturbance from Sherlock and his meddling ways. House had obviously not been on top of his game that week as she successfully met a man without House following her home. It had been strange and every minute that they spent talking whilst eating dinner Cuddy had expected House to pop up from the shadows. Yet when he didn't show, she gratefully was able to take the man home. Only for the whole thing to end rather quickly after the first glass of wine, for the appearance of Rachel had made the man back off and re think his plan about going out with a woman who was also a mother.

Cuddy kissed Rachel on the head as she sat on the floor mesmerised by the TV. After saying goodbye to Marina, she left her house and hopped into her car. The crisp Spring morning made Cuddy shiver a little as she warmed herself up in her car and pulled out at exactly 7:45am leaving for PPTH.

By the time House walked through the doors of Princeton-Plainsboro it was nearing 12:30pm. He still had a killer headache and it was about to get worse as he saw Wilson marching towards him.

"Wilson! Just the man I wanted to see!"

Wilson frowned suspiciously. "…Really?"

"No." House said as he quickly limped to the nurses' station, he peered into the clinic from his hiding place, before he made his quick getaway towards the sick people that awaited him, leaving Wilson to watch him.

"How did the funeral go?" Wilson asked walking hastily to catch up to him, noticing the heavy limp.

"Pretty much how a funeral is supposed to go. People cried. My dad was put into the ground. Usual stuff." He was defecting; he didn't need or want to talk about this, though Wilson ignored his comment.

"House!" Wilson called as House reached the door of exam room one, trying the handle to see if it was locked. "How was Cuddy, is she alright? And why are you in the clinic, you hate the clinic." House backed into the exam room, only allowing his head to pop through the door.

"Two questions dude, one answer… well two answers, but the first relates to the second." House shook his head, slightly confusing himself, but only received a questioning look from Wilson. That was when he saw her "Don't worry." He spoke before shutting the exam door in Wilson's face.

"Wilson! You seen House?" Cuddy said as she waltzed over to him.

"H Cuddy. Uhh ,no I haven't…you?" Cuddy shook her head.

"As soon as you find him tell him I'd like to see him"

"Yeah sure.. is he in trouble?"

"Not yet but..." Before Cuddy could say anymore a loud crash came from inside the exam room House had just slipped into which effectively cut Cuddy off.

"Look I've really gotta go.. damn drug seekers" Wilson pointed to the exam room door with a worried face. "…I'll tell him, _if_ I see him!" He called as he disappeared behind the door, leaving Cuddy with a rather confused face caused by all the commotion.

For a second Wilson couldn't see House, though he soon spotted him lying on the floor. He had his eyes screwed shut and his mouth clamped tight. "I would ask you what you're doing down there but I think the loud thud explains it." Wilson said smugly.

"Really? Because I was just looking for a pen." House said opening his eyes and mentally cursing as the pain in his leg flared up again.

"House, seriously what's going on with you? And why are you avoiding Cuddy?" Wilson demanded as he pulled House up.

"I'm not _avoiding_ Cuddy and I was really looking for a pen." He said as he sat on the exam bed, popping another two pills.

"I'm not an idiot House. What happened at the funeral?" he watched as House dry swallowed them like candy.

"Lot's of tears, from my mom _and_ me, in fact more so _my_ tears than hers." House pretended to wipe a fake tear away from his eyes, happily pissing Wilson off.

"You're not going to tell me are you?" House mimed zipping his lips closed and throwing away a key. "Fine. I'll just go ask Cuddy what's up with you, I'll also tell her where you are."

House's face dropped suddenly into a look of shock as Wilson walked out. He laid down on the exam room bed, he needed some sleep, however long he slept last night, it was never enough when it was alcohol induced and resulted with a hang over in the morning.

Cuddy had pulled up at his house that night to drop him off and an awkward silence loomed over them in the car, both of them wanting to say something, not knowing exactly what though. House had quickly scrambled out of the car without saying goodbye; afraid if he said something he'd regret it later on. Once he was inside he had drunk himself close to passing out, but before he did he'd still managed to pop a couple of pills to kill his pain; letting his mind fade away into darkness for the night.

He glanced at his watch; he could sleep for another half hour if he was lucky, before actually having to do _some_ work. He pulled out his Vicodin again and popped another pill into his mouth. The previous ones he took hadn't quite kicked in.

Wilson pushed into Cuddy's office and her head sprung up from her desk. "Seems like everyone around here has learnt from House. Nobody seems to knock anymore." Wilson looked apologetic but quickly remembered why he had come to see her.

"What happened at the funeral?" Cuddy looked nervous.

"You spoke to House didn't you?" her voice layered with disappointment, Cuddy should have known better, House told Wilson everything, especially making out with his boss.

"No. But you suddenly acted all weird when I mentioned the funeral, which actually make me believe something _did _happen there."

"Wilson nothing happened…it was a funeral...that's all it was. Oh and we went to House's mothers after" Cuddy could see the look in Wilson's eyes asking her to carry on. "and.." she paused "..we ate, then went back to the hotel" Wilson's eyes were open wide at this point "with Rachel." She hoped by reminding him Rachel was there he'd drop any thought of sexual contact between House and herself, though it didn't really work.

"A hotel…?" Wilson now had a smirk on his face, much like House would have.

"You're disgusting and you're spending too much time with House." Wilson placed his hands up in the air surrendering to Cuddy.

"Whatever, but something happened and for once in his life he hasn't come running to tell me what it was." Wilson paused "that is, if I had seen him, which I haven't." He added quickly and unconvincingly.

Cuddy shook her head, signalling for Wilson to disappear. The doors clicked shut and she was alone again with only her thoughts to keep her company. She smiled briefly thinking about what Wilson had told her. House hadn't run off to tell _Señor Go_ssip. She knew for a fact he wasn't ashamed of the kiss, so that only left one thing. He actually cared about it.

The night had seemed to pull back around as House sat at his desk staring at some papers. He'd solved his case a couple of hours ago but he still hadn't moved from his office. Cuddy had walked by his glass doors a few times, a few more times than actually necessary. He could tell she was fighting the urge to talk to him, so instead she got as close as possible without actually having to confront him. He leaned back in his chair, the team had gone home and the whole floor seemed to be quiet. Opening up his side draw, he moved a few old medical files and some cheap porn magazines pulling out one of his very old, and very expensive, bottles of bourbon. It was for special occasions, though this was quite the opposite occurrence. Pouring himself a glass, he downed it in one, swallowing another vicodin with it. He shook the little orange bottle and his eyes were suddenly drawn to it, there was only one lonely pill left as it bounced around its container. He dragged a hand down his face feeling his scratchy worn out skin. That was last thing he needed. He was tired; he seemed broken where once he was so stout.

Before he knew it the Bourbon was gone and the emergency bottle of scotch he kept was on its way to being empty. Though before he became too drunk to walk he decided it best to refill on his little savours and go somewhere a little more practical to drink himself away from his thoughts again. Stumbling to his feet he grabbed his cane and motorbike helmet and pulled himself to the parking lot. He didn't notice the faces looking at him with concern as he slowly limped into the more busy sections of the hospital.

The familiar roar of the Honda's engine pulled up to the side of the road. House switched off the ignition and climbed off the bike. If he had been able to see himself now, with a sober mind, he would have given himself an award for being able to make it all the way here without being pulled over by the cops or better yet killed in a crash. He sighed as he tipped out the final pill, he always found it hard to take the last one if he didn't have an immediate access to more. He quickly swallowed it and smiled as he saw house lights switch on in front of him. Perhaps he was that predictable. Climbing the steps in his drunken state House stopped as he reached the door. Wilson better have some decent alcohol and his prescription pad on him, or this would be a short stay.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey! We're both really, really sorry for the wait. We've been incredibly busy with school & been too exhausted to write most nights so we apologise _

_To make up for it this chapter is the longest we've ever written yet!_

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter 8**

Wilson groaned as the familiar knock of wood against wood woke him from his sleep. Pushing himself up from bed he rubbed his eyes and tiredly dragged his feet through to the living room. He sighed as he looked through the peephole and flung his door open. He didn't even know why he bothered to check anymore.

"House, it's the middle of the night! What the hell do you want?"

Using his cane, House opened the door wider, allowing him to stagger through; he threw himself down on the couch and dropped his cane onto the floor covering his eyes with his arm.

"Needa refill. I'm all out"

Wilson wasn't oblivious to the way House's words slurred together, or the sudden case of photophobia and managed to quickly come to his own conclusion. "House, are you drunk?" it was a stupid question but he wanted to hear him say it.

"I have no idea" the words were forced and quiet, he threw his bike keys onto the coffee table above his cane.

"Woah woah woah! You're completely wasted and you drove over here?" Wilson shouted, exasperated. "Are you fucking _crazy? _You could have been killed! Or worse, killed someone else."

House simply placed his finger in front of his mouth and made a "Shh" sound.

"Get out, House. I'm not dealing with your drunken ass tonight. Go home, go to bed and I'll see you tomorrow. I don't know what crap you've gotten yourself into since that funeral but you seriously better snap out of it"

Knowing Wilson wasn't messing around this time House sat up, debating between cradling his head or his leg as both seemed to be pounding with the same pain intensity. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his vicodin only to find it empty. He tossed the vial onto the coffee table and placed his head in his hands.

"I really need a refill" he mumbled to himself, he hated Wilson seeing him like this.

Walking around the couch opposite House, Wilson picked up the bottle and read its sticker. "These were prescribed three days ago, House. You can't tell me you've taken all thirty pills plus whatever you've got in your secret stash just this weekend?"

"I'm in _pain!" _

Wilson let out a forced laugh. "Oh this is so much more than the pain. This much vicodin will not only numb your pain, it numbs your mind. Which, really, is your objective isn't it..." Wilson threw his hands up. He was angry, sure. But he was also worried and scared. Why his best friend had felt the need to take this many pills was one thing but the thought of what he'd put his body through sent shivers up Wilson's spine.

"I need the pills. They help me function. Just…write the script, Wilson…Please"

Shocked at House's use of manners, he walked over to his briefcase pulled out his prescription pad and wrote a prescription for twenty vicodin.

"Here. Now get out. Go home, I'll call you a taxi..."

"No need" House stopped him as he limped out of Wilson's apartment. "I'm fine. See." He said, making his way out to his bike.

Wilson closed his front door with a slam and made his way back to bed, knowing a night of worry and throat clenching guilt would keep him awake.

House, on the other hand, got on his bike and drove as fast and as steady as he could to the nearest 24 hour pharmacy. He needed his pills, now.

House woke early the next morning to the familiar feeling of a bad hangover. The rain fell outside, casting a grey glow around the room and a loud series of thumps as it hit against the glass of the windows. House got up from his bed and made his way to the shower, taking a few vicodin from his new vial which dulled the pain in his leg to a more tolerable level. Funny, he thought, the pain wasn't as bad as usual today. He had expected it to be practically intolerable with the weather outside.

Standing under the warm stream of water he stretched his arms up. He felt his stomach clench, thinking perhaps he was going to vomit, he inhaled and exhaled steadily. The nausea quickly passed but the strong clench remained. His throat constricted as though he was extremely anxious or worried. He quickly recognized it as a feeling of dread. Why on earth he was feeling this way he had no idea, so he took a few more pills and pushed it to the back of his mind, hoping it was simply a reaction to a bad dream he couldn't quite remember.

Once he got to the hospital he kept his head low and as quickly as a man with one good leg could, he made his way to his office. He looked into the conference room, surprised to see only Foreman sitting at the glass desk with a coffee in hand. Just as House had resigned himself to a morning of trying to help Mario beat World 8 Taub burst through his office door with a blue case file.

"54-year-old woman with acute respiratory failure. No anaphylaxis, lung issues or tracheal lesions. Tox screen was clean for coke and amphetamines." He said, almost all in one breath. He handed the file to House, who refused to take it off him. Taub let it fall to his desk instead and House's eyes quickly scanned the page. "I will give you 30 reasons, one for each dollar that the cause of the apnea which enflamed the epiglottis." Foreman walked into House's office, examining the file. "Why is our rainbow coalition missing brown and bi?"

"Thirteen's doing your clinic hours, and Kutner's dog's sick. He should be in by lunch" Taub spoke.

"Kutner has a dog? Interesting. Go give her an MRI, see the little bugger that's hiding in her lungs"

Taub spun on his heels, his lab coat swinging like a superhero's cape as he left the room to go run the tests on the patient. House decided to put his plan into action and proceeded in spending the few hours it would take to get the MRI results to finally help Mario save Princess Peach.

Lunch time quickly came around and Princess Peach had been saved from Bowser, House's stomach had started to rumble and there was still no sign of Kutner. Standing up from his chair with the aid of his cane he went to find Taub, and see if he could get any information from him.

"It's lunch. Where's Kutner?" he asked, pulling the file that Taub was carrying out of his grasp and holding the black film up to the light.

"He probably went to a comic book fest, spent the night at some Wonder Woman's lair. I'm sure he'll —" Taub was cut off by House.

"Find out what or who he's doing. Either way, Cuddy's gonna want me to write it under 'reason for termination'."

Another two hours passed, the patient was nowhere near being diagnosed and Kutner had still not shown up. Cuddy had ordered Wilson to tell House to get his ass down to the clinic if he was going to waste time playing videogames. In order to avoid Cuddy's wrath, and to just… avoid Cuddy, he summoned Foreman away from the patient and the two decided to go to Kutner's apartment. Foreman agreed to drive them both there simply because he wanted to check his colleague was okay, it was out of character for him to be late to work, let alone not show up at all. House simply wanted to check out his apartment…_and_ to see why the hell he'd decided to just not show up for work. If House couldn't do that, neither could he.

Foreman knocked on the door to Kutner's place while House checked out the hallway, looking for any information he could get to deduce something about his employee.

"Kutner, it's Foreman and…House" Foreman said, unsure whether saying that his boss was there would be an incentive for him to allow them in or not. After almost five minutes with no answer Foreman looked at House and shrugged his shoulders. He made to leave but before he could House stopped him with his cane.

"Where are you going? We didn't come to find out where he wasn't."

"If you think you can climb a fifth floor fire escape…" Foreman said sarcastically, looking at House's cane. House smiled, one to cover the anger that he felt towards him for highlighting his disability and another for how stupid Foreman was.

"It saddens me to think you have not learnt anything about me for…how many years have you worked for me now?" Pulling out a pair of keys from his pocket House jangled them in front of Foreman's face. "This might be faster."

Foreman shook his head in exasperation and opened the door, both men entering the apartment.

"Kutner!" Foreman shouted. Looking around at all the gadgets and toys scattered around the room House beamed.

"This place is awesome. I'm surprised he ever leaves." Foreman shook his head and switched on Kutner's computer.

"There's nothing on his calendar. His pager's still here." House smiled as he played with an action figure he'd picked up off of the table. Looking around his smile soon faded, the coil in the pit of his stomach returned with an intensity he'd only felt once before when he thought he'd lost his leg. Through an open door down the hallway House inaudibly gasped as he made out the figure of an arm and a torso.

Flinging his cane across the room House bolted down the hallway, his leg muted from protesting by the huge amount of adrenaline that was flooding through his body.

Foreman, shocked by House's sudden move, followed his direction. He felt a cold rush wash over him and the hairs stand up on his neck as he realized what House had seen. "Oh, God!" he said as he ran towards the room, he threw himself down on his knees and feet Kutner's neck for a pulse. His breath caught as his fingers made contact with the cold body. Pushing House's hands out of the way he quickly started CPR, rhythmically he pushed down hard onto Kutner's sternum, praying under his breath. "Come on, Kutner!" he shouted.

"Move, MOVE!" House commanded, taking over the CPR while Foreman phoned 911. Foreman put his mouth over Kutner's, blowing air into his deflated lungs. The metallic taste of blood covered his tongue and he fought the urge to vomit as he located the source of the large amount of blood.

"I need an ambulance at 410 Willis. Apartment 5-C. 28-year-old male. Single gunshot wound to the right temple." He shouted down the phone.

"No pulse." House called out, his fingers pressed against Kutner's neck.

"Alert Princeton Plainsboro. Have a trauma unit ready. His pupils are dilated. His head's swollen." Foreman continued, pressing his hand against Kutner's groin trying desperately to feel a pulse…anywhere. House exhaled loud, continuing to use all force he had to provide CPR on his employee "Still no pulse! Come on, Kutner!" He growled, feeling his own heart pound against his chest and his movements slow with tiredness. Foreman threw the phone to the floor and moved House out of the way

"Let me try" Foreman continued the chest compressions as House backed away, his back resting against the bed and his right hand cradling his leg. He brought his left hand up to his face. It was covered in blood. He closed his eyes, fighting against the urge to either cry or punch a hole through the wall. He looked over at Foreman who was still pushing hard against the chest of Kutner and wincing every time he blew air into his lungs from the taste of blood.

House moved his hand over and for one last time, felt Kutner's neck for a pulse. "He's cold, Eric" House said quietly, the use of Foreman's first name shocking him into accepting the reality of the situation. Foreman exhaled loudly and kneeled over Kutner's body. Kutner's dead, lifeless body. He gave up and let himself fall onto the floor, resting his back on the bed next to House. The increasing volume of sirens in the distance provided no comfort to any to any of them as the adrenaline wore off and they both became aware of what had just happened.

======================================================================House stood in the conference room, his head was bowed and he was leaning heavily on his cane. The teams were sitting at the conference table; Thirteen's eyes were red and her face pale as she gripped a mug of coffee for dear life. Taub stared emotionlessly through the glass window into the corridor and Foreman folded his arms, he and House had been forced to shower and dispose of all their blood stained clothes upon arriving back at the hospital. Under these circumstances Foreman didn't care at all the he was in a pair of pink scrubs.

"He didn't say anything? To any of you? Family problems? Bad relationship? Financial pressures?" House said, his voice low as he paced back and forth across the room.

"His parents were shot right in front of him." Foreman's sullen voice came from across the end of the table. House shook his head.

"Parents are ancient history." House said. Foreman lifted his head; his eyes were half lidded and red.

"Not to someone who actually cares." House stopped walking and picked up his cane, resting his jaw on the handle.

"He didn't slit his wrists and… peacefully drift away. He shot himself. He didn't leave a note. That means panic. This could have been pre-empted if the idiots who worked alongside him for 80 hours a week had seen this coming."

"You're blaming us?" Thirteen asked, her voice breaking. House shook his head.

"Just trying to figure it out"

"We would have helped him if he had reached out to us. He didn't." Thirteen said, her voice was low and deep.

"We should have picked up on something." Foreman said as he clenched his fists.

"This isn't our fault!" Thirteen all but shouted. "Something like 25% of suicidal people show no outward signs of depression."

"No. 25% of suicidal people have friends who didn't notice anything and don't want to feel guilty." House contradicted.

"Killing himself also kills all other options. Makes Kutner an idiot. So pity, yes. But guilt, no." Taub said, still not breaking his line of vision form the chair in the hallway.

"If that's what you wanna tell yourself." Foreman said, not liking the way Taub spoke about their dead co-worker.

"We still have a patient." Taub reminded the group "Actually, two. One worsening, one who should be worsening."

"You can't be in denial about Kutner and the husband." House asked incredulously. Foreman sighed.

"Maybe we should pass this file over to another doctor."

"And the next one too? The one after that? How many files till it's okay that Kutner's dead?" House said harshly. His inhaled deeply and tried to regain his composure when the glass door opened and Cuddy walked into the conference room. Her eyes were glassy and had the same expression that they did at his father's funeral. Walking closer she lifted her hand, giving the impression that she was going to place it on House's arm before changing her mind and crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry. I've hired a grief counselor whom I'm sure none of you will see and I'm offering time off, which I'm sure none of you will take. But just know it's available." She said to the group then gestured to House's office.

"Start the patient on indomethacin." He said before following Cuddy into his office, he closed the door and pulled the blinds shut, darkening the already subdued room. Cuddy rested her hip on the edge of House's desk and placed her hand on House's shoulder.

"If you'd rather not deal with this case..." she said softly.

"I'm fine. Despite what Wilson will say." House said quickly. Cuddy seemed shocked.

"He hasn't come to you?"

"Pretty sure he has mah-jongg Tuesday mornings. I assume he thinks I will work through this better if I don't have to keep flicking his wings off my shoulder" Cuddy nodded, able to stifle through House's sarcasm to find his true thoughts. She sighed and picked up House's ball, rolling it in her hands.

"You didn't even have an inkling?" she said, not looking up to meet House's eyes. There was no way she could keep her composure if she did.

"I know his fantasy football team cratered. Figured he'd gotten over it." House deflected. He'd already had enough emotional heart to hearts with Cuddy. He didn't want another one. Cuddy nodded, understanding that House didn't want to talk about what had happened and trying to get him to would be fruitless.

"Well… Sorry for your loss."

"Thanks. But it's not my loss."

"Then I'm sorry you don't think it is." Cuddy said lifting her head and connecting her line of vision with his, her blue eyes were large and full of sympathy. House felt the ever-present coil in his stomach tighten; his eyes traced the perfect Cupid's bow above her lip and the soft skin on her cheeks. He wanted to rub his thumb over her cheeks and feel the smooth skin, he wanted to kiss her cupid's bow so hard that her eyes would turn into that dark blue almost purple color he knew they did when she was aroused. The thoughts left him as she pulled her arm away, and left the office. House made sure to tilt his head and check out her ass as she walked away.

His office seemed quiet. For once it wasn't a welcome silence. House was left only with his plaguing thoughts. He sat at his desk trying to clear his mind from the day's events, though there was no luck. He should have seen it coming; should have seen everything. That was who he was, who he was supposed to be, the man who read in between the lines, spotted things other people just looked over. Surely something as big as suicidal thoughts and depression would have been obvious to him. He rubbed his head into his hand messing up his hair, thinking about what Thirteen had said. She was wrong…someone had to have noticed something and the only way he was ever going to move on from this, to stop obsessing, though he would never admit he was, would be to solve the puzzle.

Cuddy saw him leave from where she was standing on the balcony, looking down below to the main entrance of PPTH. She had come up there for the comforting distraction. Her office was dark and muted from the rest of the building and she needed to hear the glow of chatter without having to actually listen to any of it. House limped out, clutching his helmet under his arm. Cuddy only slightly saw his face, though the dark circles and wrinkled brow told her that he hadn't been sleeping well for a while. She inwardly cringed, as she knew that whatever House was thinking, it wouldn't be good.

House was greeted by an elderly couple opening the front door, both looked drained and washed out, from the hard hitting news.

"I'm Doctor House." He paused a second, not wanting to explain himself anymore. "I worked with your son…I just wanted to give you my condolences."

He lied. Though deep inside he knew his words were nothing close to a lie. The elderly couple opened the door a little wider as they let him in, leading him to their dinning room. House sat down opposite them.

"I'm Liz and this is Terry, we were-" House cut them off quickly.

"I know. Kutner's adoptive parents." He winced at how sharp he had been; his plan of trying to ease into the conversation hadn't really worked.

"I…I was the one who called the ambulance…if you would like to know." Liz nodded appreciatively.

"He was a good son and we were ever so proud of him, I just…I guess he wasn't..." Liz sniffled a bit as Terry finally made eye contact with House.

"He was so grateful to work with you Doctor House, he told us what a brilliant mind you had." House dropped his gaze, gripping his cane tighter with anger. If his mind were so brilliant he would have been able to prevent this. "I remember when he first got a call from you…" House didn't want to talk about work, about how highly Kutner thought of him as a doctor.

"You really didn't see anything?" House's gaze was still dropped and to begin with he thought they hadn't heard the confronting question but when he looked up he realized that they had. Liz's eyes were running again and Terry had a look of guilt plastered across his face. "I mean he…he didn't say _anything_ to you?" Terry looked at House now, more so angry with him than sad.

"Are you trying to blame us Doctor House?"

"No I'm…" House took another quick look at the pair, what was he thinking, how were they supposed to have known. "I'm not blaming you." He stood up gently. "I think I'll go now." Terry nodded and stood up, shaking House's hand firmly. He took one last look at Liz who was silently sobbing and turned to leave.

House lay back on his bed, physically exhausted, yet his mind still churned as he stared up at his ceiling. Kutner didn't live with his parents. He had his own home and his own life. The people he spent most of his day with were House and his team. That meant one of _them_ should have spotted it. Since the rest of the team were a bunch of idiots, which ruled out all of them, leaving only himself to blame for the whole mess. Thirteen _was_ wrong, _he_ was only one capable enough to spot it and he hadn't.

House was pulled from his thoughts as the tone of his phone echoed throughout the house. He couldn't move, his leg was numb from pills; that he was glad for. The answer machine played his familiar voice "Hang up, on 3, 2…"

"House? House I'm hoping you're there." Cuddy spoke; he could feel the panic in her voice. He was almost relived that he could hear the sound of her, though it didn't make him get up. "I saw you leave today, nobody's been able to contact you since…I just wanted to know if you were more or less….Ok…" One reason he was glad he didn't pick up, he'd have to explain his…feelings….to her. He couldn't deal with that, not now. It was kind of funny how over the past few days the more he deflected in conversations with her the more he'd wanted to kick himself. "Well I'm guessing you are there, or somewhere out getting drunk, either way you obviously are dealing with this but I just wanted to…" she paused. _Why are you pausing? _His mind screamed at her. "Never mind, I'll see you tomorrow…maybe" _Damn, what were you going to say!_ His mind had gone from a depressed state to a calming one, yet it was swiftly brought back to depressed as she hung up the phone instantly. He stomach started to churn again as he realized he hadn't eaten since the night before, he didn't really feel bothered to eat though.

"Kutner won't feel this ache in his stomach again…." He shut his eyes, trying to physically push away his thoughts; it wasn't like him to get worked up over a dead person. Though maybe it was the fact that he'd done so much wrong in his life and yet good people like Kutner still went on dying. "He won't see another women again…." For a brief second the image of Cuddy flashed through his mind. He sat up straight. He hadn't realized that he'd broken out in to a cold sweat. "If I carry on…." He finished the sentence in his head _I'll be the same as Kutner…dead._

With that he pulled himself off the bed, popped 3 vicodin and limped heavily in to the hallway. Grabbing his keys, helmet and leather jacket, he slammed the front door. The early spring night, wrapped around his cold body, overwhelming him. He walked over to his bike, revving up the engine. In a shot he was haring down his road, leaving his thoughts behind him. He needed to forget.

It was dark when he arrived, it usually was. Though on closer inspection the backlights were on. He sighed, however it wasn't relief he was letting out, it was more so disappointment. He hopped off his bike and walked down the side of the club. Where he entered into a blaze of loud noise and hot girls half his age. He hadn't slept with anyone since a few weeks before the funeral. Since the kiss. Since his mind had begun to question himself.

_Cuddy. _


	9. Chapter 9

_We're back from our impromptu break :D Really, really sorry for the long update time. Exam periods and writing don't really go very well together. Here's chapter 9.. the next chapter is already written and should be up VERY soon._

_Enjoy!_

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><p>The morning afters always brought conflicting emotions for House. Sleeping with hookers had its ups and downs. The ups were the sole purpose of one night stands, they're guaranteed to have no strings attached; the brilliance of hookers, they were always gone when you woke up. However, the downs consisted of the empty feeling or loneliness that slowly creeped up on you. The lie of intimacy was over; reminding you exactly why you had spent the night with a stranger in the first place. If House was lucky he was still a little hung over from the night before to really think too deeply about his solemnness; the thick fog of residual alcohol masked the feeling of misery. It wasn't like him to show any of these feelings anyway, hell he <em>enjoyed<em> his empty apartment; at least that's what he was content with the rest of the world thinking.

That morning House woke up particularly early. It was Thursday and for a night spent with a hooker he should have still been in deep post-coital sleep. However, that wasn't the case at all. His bed was cold and his head was spinning. He hadn't drunk as much as he had been drinking the previous nights, but still, he thought it would have been enough to get him to pass out until at least 11am. There was no such luck, he found out, as he turned on his side peering at his clock which flashed 8:20am in his eyes. He groaned, there was no way he was going to get back to sleep; not with the stabbing sensation increasing in intensity in his leg anyway. He reached over to his bedside table and blindly grabbed at the number of pill bottles scattered around, hoping to find one that wasn't completely empty. He dropped three pills into his hand and stared at them for a second, almost debating whether to take them. Quickly snapping himself out of his reverie, he popped them in his mouth and dry swallowed them. Gently moving his legs over the side of the bed he stood up groggily. The sudden movement sent his head whirling and darkness started to cloud his vision. Reaching back down to sit on his bed again, he held out his hand, trying to guide himself back into a sitting position. Yet his legs gave way before he had a chance and he ended up curled in to a ball on the floor, gasping for breath as his hand clenched around his leg and white hot pain filled the muscle.

What seemed like hours, but was only a few agonizing minutes of debating whether the grip on his leg could be loosened he pulled himself up, slowly this time, bracing himself for another black out_. Damn waking up this early isn't natural. I'm so fucking exhausted._ He mentally cursed.

Hobbling in to his bathroom, he stopped suddenly. Glass littered the floor, his eyes roamed across the room until he saw the shattered mirror in front of him. Thoughts of the previous night flashed through his mind._ How drunk was I?_ Racking his brain for an explanation he shut his eyes, willing his memory to work. He didn't, couldn't, get anything. He must have really been completely wasted with exhaustion. He pulled a hand up to wipe his tired eyes, stopping once he caught sight of it and held it out. It was covered in blood, dry blood and on closer inspection, his blood. He was glad it was his blood, if he was so drunk he couldn't remember any of the night before and there was blood on his hands, who's to say he didn't actually fulfil Wilson's warnings and kill someone. Checking the limb over he saw he blood was in fact the result of a jagged cut that started at the palm of his hand, stopping just before his wrist. He frowned, it must have been from the mirror, but god only knew why.

"You're a mess." A voice said piercingly from behind him, penetrating the quiet. House jumped and spun on his heels, instantly recognizing the voice, yet not believing what his mind screamed at him

"You've been a mess for a while now haven't you…?" Kutner's voice spoke to him, somehow devoid of the life it usually held. He sounded.. flat. House's face dropped instantly, all blood in his head seeming to fall to his legs, which barely held him up. His face turned deathly shade of white and he swallowed, his heart started beating fast and hard. This wasn't real. Why did it seem so real?

"What?" Kutner spoke "Just because you're the great Doctor Gregory House doesn't mean _your_ mind can't play tricks on you too." House remained stunned.

"You're just a product of my exhausted brain….?" House bit down; he had meant for it to be a statement but instead it came out as a question.

"Well you don't believe in the afterlife or a higher power, so I'm not a ghost." He was almost mocking House; who swallowed again, his mouth was completely dry. He tried to push back down the sudden feeling of fear that was overtaking him. Kutner was standing in his bathroom doorway, making snarky remarks at him. Kutner should have been…no, he corrected himself; Kutner _was_ six cold feet under. He shook his head in denial, pushing himself towards Kutner and through his bathroom door. He stepped into his living room, only to see Kutner's form sitting at his piano.

"You can't expect me to go away that easily… I'm _your_ hallucination."

"You're just the result of my exhausted mind. I haven't slept properly in days, a good night sleep, and you'll be gone." Kutner smirked.

"What?" House asked bitterly.

"You hope I'll be gone."

"And you don't? I don't need a dead guy hanging around me for the rest of my life. It's bad enough I have to put up with Wilson." Kutner's smirk disappeared.

"Whether or not I'm just a projection of your messed up imagination, you'll always have my death hanging over you." House turned his back away from Kutner, as if trying to hide his thoughts from his own mind. He hobbled over to his kitchen where he poured himself some cereal, trying to ignore the mild shake in his hand, though it only gave himself another glimpse of his deep cut. What the fuck was going on with him?

He turned around to make his way back to the sofa, feeling momentary relief to find the room empty. There no sign of Kutner. His eyes widened as he looked for him in his hiding place; he gave up quickly and sighed in relief, he couldn't spot the intruder. Yet as he was just sitting down, cursing himself for any belief he'd held that Kutner was actually there, Kutner appeared again. He threw his body down onto the sofa with a smile, apparently joining House in watching his morning TV.

"I'm sure you're right." He said reassuringly. "I'll be gone in a few days…or not…"

"What's that supposed to mean? You're not moving into my mind forever, I don't even want you here now" He grunted back.

"Well either I'm the result of sleep apnoea, then you have nothing to worry about… or I'm the product of something more serious." House knew what Kutner was implying. Anything more serious than a simple sleeping disorder would result in paper work. This would mean filed reports, all together leading to questions and problems that would amount to his licence being taken away. If he couldn't practice medicine then he wouldn't be able to keep himself occupied. He'd only kill himself faster.

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><p>House pushed open the glass doors to his office, peering in to the joining room, only to find it was empty. He looked at his watch.<p>

"9:30…" a dispirited voice spoke to him, reading his thoughts.

"What did you expect? Without a patient we've never had to come in to work before 11"

House shot a look to Kutner who had already made himself comfortable on the recliner chair in the corner of his office. He'd followed House to work, which was rather usurping even if he was a part of House. He took a seat behind his desk, trying to busy himself with paper work for once.

"So you're ignoring me now?" Kutner said, feigning hurt by the fact. It took a few minutes before House replied.

"I'm not ignoring you; I just thought if I didn't encourage my brain to talk to me in the form of a dead employee, I might find it easier getting rid of the nuisance." House grumbled.

"Are you talking to me?" House's head sprung up as Foreman walked in to his office.

"Well who else did you think I was talking too, my imaginary friend?" He tried to cover up, attempting not to look at Kutner.

"Why are you here, I mean so early? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's _wrong_ I just forgot I needed to do something."

"Riiiiiight. Like that's ever stopped you from sleeping before."

"I spent hours just lying awake, thinking about the unfinished paper work on my desk. I think I now know how Cuddy feels, it kills me inside." House said in mock sadness.

"Whatever. As you're here we have a case."

"Nooooo we don't."

"Yes we do. 22 year old female..." Foreman insisted.

"I'm not listening because you're not here… therefore…I don't have to listen to you…" House leant back in his chair and shut his eyes, trying to ignore Foreman and the other pair of eyes that were watching him.

"Look if you don't want the case because of Kutner's death, just say so" House glanced towards the recliner chair at the mention of Kutner's name; the man was now intently looking up at the ceiling.

"I don't want Cuddy coming to me when she asks why we don't have a case." Foreman said. House shrugged.

"I don't care what she does to you…." He paused and then smirked. "Wait, I take that back! I _do_ care if it's something sexual, otherwise make yourself look busy in the clinic." Foreman sighed and left his office, walking out in to the corridor.

"What?" House questioned as Kutner stared at him.

"I know he thinks there's something up with you…" Kutner smiled and House tried not to register it. "Which means you know it too." he grimaced, he was right, Foreman would be incredibly stupid to not follow up on why House was at work so early. So before he came back and this time with muscle, or Cuddy, as she went by in the hospital, he thought it would be wise to move to a more secluded spot. If he wanted to get rid of Kutner permanently he needed a place to rest. Sleep apnoea of course was best cured with the obvious medicine of _sleep_. Opening his back door and walking out on to the balcony, House pulled himself over the ledge, giving Wilson's office a quick look around before he entered his hiding place.

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><p>The door slammed shut and House sprung up into a sitting position on the sofa. His eyes were blurry for a second, they quickly focused when he turned his head to look at the figure standing in the doorway; arms crossed and an annoyed face plastered upon him. "I'm an idiot for thinking you'd run off somewhere far…" Wilson said rather unamused.<p>

House frowned as he spoke back "Ha ha ha. I'm afraid to burst your bubble but I can't run." He sat up on the sofa, rubbing his eyes and massaging his leg.

"What's up with that?" Wilson questioned.

"We'll as can see I pulled a muscle in my leg and now-"

"House stop deflecting you know what I mean, where have you been, your team's been looking for you for the last 4 hours.. Though I must admit Foreman _is_ having a field day being in charge" Wilson waited for a reply, however none came. "So…?" House rubbed his temples and glanced at his watch, he'd been asleep for almost 6 hours! On second thought he'd been asleep for 6 hours and had woken up _alone_. He stood up quickly, Wilson only watching, puzzled, as House searched the room for Kutner. When he found no signs of the mental intruder he sighed in relief.

"House! What the hell is up with you?"

"Nothing… A man needs his beauty sleep. Wilson, you of all people should know that."

"You call this beauty sleep" Wilson stretched forward and grabbed his hand, causing House to wince in pain at the process. "Asking where you got this from would be a waste of time"

"You're right. Don't your cancer patients need you or something?"

"House let me bandage it up or it will get infected and I'll have to listen to you whine for the next 2 weeks." he sighed, Wilson was right. He had completely forgotten about the huge gaping cut on his hand, what with that pain contending with the worsening one in his thigh, he couldn't distinguish the difference anymore.

"Sure…" He grumbled as he followed Wilson out to the clinic.

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><p>15 minutes later House was sitting on the side of an exam room bed, his hand successfully bandaged, his mind starting to ease a little from the temporary hallucinations he had suffered with earlier that morning, along with the three and a bit Vicodin he had recently downed in one.<p>

"So why isn't Cuddy mad at you.. or I should probably rephrase that as_ screaming at me_, about you practically missing a whole day of work…just sleeping…"

House shrugged, he knew the conversation would slowly turn back to Cuddy. Wilson had been trying to secretly figure out what was going on between them ever since the funeral. Not that anything _was_ going on between them.

Wilson looked unsatisfied with House's simple shrug as an answer so he carried on. "I suspect my chief duckling, Foreman, told her I was up to no good today."

"And why does that get you off the hook…? You're never up to any good."

House only shrugged again. "I guess being a favourite has its advantages." He smirked as Wilson shook his head in laughter.

"Favourite? Favourite asshole more like."

"Wilson if you keep complimenting my ass like that, people are going to talk. You know the nurses already think we're gay. So how's my patient?"

"Oh right so you care now?" Wilson said, as he put away the last of the medical supplies.

"What a horrible thing to say, of course I _care_." Wilson turned to face him, his face stern.

"OK. You caught me." House said holding up his hands. "I don't _actually _care, pshhh what do you take me for…some kind of human being-" he was cut of in mid sentence. He had seen it in the corner of his eye a second before. He hadn't wanted to believe it at first, but it was true. House slowly turned his head to the door of the exam room and there stood Kutner, staring back at House.

"Missed me?"

House stood up shaking his head violently in denial.

"House! What's wrong?" Wilson said instantly concerned for him. House didn't reply, instead he opened the door and slammed it behind him, leaving Wilson in the exam room on his own. House shut his eyes. He knew most of the clinic must have been watching him, though he didn't care. He thought he was safe. Safe from the intruder that was denying him the right to be sane.

House opened his eyes again. He needed to sit down. Marching his way in to Cuddy's office, he ignored the secretary who stood up quickly; trying and failing to warn him Cuddy was not in. House flung the door open to her office, locking it quickly behind him, ignoring the secretary banging on the door. He slumped himself down on the familiar sofa, rubbing is hands in his head. Kutner had made himself comfortable sitting on the edge of Cuddy's desk.

"Shit" House whispered under his breath "SHIT!" He screamed. He dug his hand in to his pocket and popped out two vicodin and dry swallowed them.

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><p>"Are you sleeping…on my sofa? I thought you did that in Wilson's office…?" Cuddy had walked in to the room after leaving her board meeting. Her secretary had apologised for the inconvenience that she was to be greeted with inside her office.<p>

"I wish" House replied simply, his feet were now propped up and he was lying vertically on her sofa, one hand clutched at his leg, the other at his head. His eyes were screwed shut. He didn't want to have to look at Kutner anymore.

"Well whatever you are or aren't doing, could you do it somewhere else, preferably not in my office. I have to go." Cuddy said as she put on her jacket and picked up her brief case.

"Why didn't you come looking for me today?" Cuddy only looked at him questioningly "Wilson asked me why you hadn't come running to him about the fact that I hadn't been working all day."

"House. We both know you never work all day." Cuddy laughed but suddenly stopped as she saw his face was deadly serious. "I...I figured you needed a break…Kutner's death…" She paused "…Even if you didn't say anything, I could still tell it affected you..."

House sat up, determined to get what he thought was the real answer out of her, catching a glimpse of Kutner who was now sitting at her desk.

"Cuddy, I always know when you lie." He said, pushing the thoughts of the dead man in the room out of his mind.

"I'm not-" Cuddy began, raising her voice slightly.

"It's because of that kiss, isn't it?" He didn't know why he had brought it up, it was stupid but he did have a tendency to say things before he thought about them. It had also caused Kutner to stare at him intently, which was bothering House even more by the second.

"House, don't be stupid, a kiss is a kiss."

"Not if it means something…"

"Oh and it meant something to you?" Cuddy said almost mocking him. _House only wanted to get in to my pants and gloat about it afterwards._ She thought to herself. He didn't answer her. "House I really have to go." She sighed.

There was a pause and after a few seconds Cuddy moved towards the door to leave.

"Sure…" House muttered "Go spend time with little bastard child that makes you feel good about yourself…"

Cuddy turned to face him; her face had dropped into a shock of horror. Had he really just said that?

"Screw you House! I'm moving on with my life.. I'm no longer alone." She blared out to him. "Why can't you just accept that and move on?"

It was a good thing it was getting late and most people had cleared the clinic, though it still wouldn't have stopped her from screaming at him.

"What do you have to show for it? hmmm? A life of drugs and alcohol, the constant hookers and only two people you can call a friend."

Suddenly a flash of the night before came hurling in to his mind and with it Kutner appeared by his side. It was all so clear to him now what had happened with his mirror, his hand. He reached in to his pocket and felt the ominous Vicodin bottle, ever present and by his side. _He had woken up from the worsening throbbing in his thigh to an empty bed that morning; it wasn't a surprise due the fact that was usually the deal with hookers. Yet he was still stoned from Vicodin and the mix of alcohol. He had paced up and down his hallway, trying to rid himself of the pain he was feeling, until he entered his bathroom, where he caught a glimpse of himself. He was drained. Eyes blood shot and deep circles embedded under them. He'd lost weight. He'd lost everything. Everything he'd ever cared about. Everyone he'd ever cared about had gone away in the end. All he had left was his empire of dirt. With that thought he grabbed hold of his mirror and tossed it aside, leaving it shattering besides him. He had cut his hand in the process but the pain wouldn't register until the drugs had worn off. _He stood back. Dropping the Vicodin from his hand on to the floor. That thought had stuck chords with him. It was drug abuse. Who was he trying to fool? Sleep apnoea? The hallucinations was all the drugs' doings. Whilst he was trying to medicate his pain away, he had led himself down the nasty route of loosing control of his own mind. That meant only one thing. Detox. Pain.

"I'm hallucinating."

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><p><em>Thanks for reading :D<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_We promised the next chapter wouldn't be too long. Two chapters in one day! And *blush* this chapter takes the story up to an M rating. It was the first time we'd both written smut so.. it may not be the best. But it was definitely fun to write ;')_

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><p><span>Chapter 10<span>

"I'm hallucinating" he spoke softly to Cuddy, whose face once edged with disgust, had suddenly changed into one of alarm at his words.

"What?"

"Cuddy, I'm hallucinating." House said, looking down managing to avert her worried gaze.

"The drugs?" She managed to speak, praying her voice didn't portry any of the panic she felt inside.

"Yeah…it fits…" He spoke, almost ashamed of what he'd become.

"House…" Cuddy spoke walking closer to him, forgetting about the words that he had previously spat at her.

"I know… I have to detox…"

"I…I can book you in to the rehab program-" Cuddy was stopped in mid-sentence.

"It won't work…I'll find a way around it…"

"But they're good here…" she said, hoping that he'd see it as a possibility.

House shook his head. "They don't know _me_…Cuddy.._you_ know me.."

She didn't reply, instead she watched him. His face was full of a fear she'd never seen before. He was right, she knew and understood him like no one else did.

He spoke again. "Cuddy. Please. I need you."

The unfamiliar words on his lips made Cuddy understand the seriousness of the situation. She nodded silently, picked up her brief case again and walked out of her office, House following close behind; head hanging down and limping heavy.

She had seen him open up to her before. But she had never seen him as vulnerable as he was now.

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><p>He sat on her sofa, fingering the soft cover pulled over her cushions. Cuddy had driven him back to her place; it was better there. That way she didn't have to worry as much about him sneaking a quick vicodin whilst she was out of the room. He felt awkward. His shivers had already set in and he was regretting ever telling her. It wasn't that he didn't mean what he had said before about needing her. He was being brutally honest. He <em>had<em> needed her. But he didn't want her to see him so weak. So vulnerable.

She was sitting opposite him on a lounger, her feet were tucked neatly under her backside as she flipped a page of a glossy magazine she was trying to read. Her attentions were drawn away from the paragraph she'd read three times over by a deep groan. With the amount of vicodin he said that was in his system she wasn't surprised that his cold sweats had set in early. She could tell he was holding back the pain. She didn't want him to, it was easy to see it was getting harder for him to cope.

"House?" his eyes snapped to her, he didn't move from his position; instead grasping suddenly at his leg as a new wave of pain crushed the muscle. He looked away before she saw too much of his agony.

"House, please look at me." He bit down on his lip trying to hold in a cry, shaking his head.

Cuddy got up and sat herself down next to him. She reached over and held his hand. It was the first proper contact they'd had since the kiss. His pained blue eyes moved to hers over the movement she had made.

"House, it's ok, I'm here." He nodded, he couldn't bring himself to speak at the moment, it would only come at as a cry.

Cuddy had made sure he was empty of vicodin as soon as he walked through the door. She needed him to focus on something else, something other than his pain, drugs or his apparent hallucinations.

"Mind telling me what's up with you and Wilson these days? Seems like whenever he talks to you he's been pretty moody after." House's laughed a little, a faint smile spreading across his lips.

"He thinks… he thinks I'm hiding something from him." He said in between pants, agony laced in his voice. Cuddy looked at him, pressing him to carry on.

"I'm not…" He lied. Cuddy nodded even though she was unsatisfied with his answer, she couldn't expect much of him in the state that he was in. House suddenly doubled over releasing her hand from his grasp, now holding his stomach. "This…this is getting worse." He spoke, gritting his teeth.

"It's going to, just hold out."

"CUDDY IM TRYING!" He snapped, causing her to flinch back slightly. He instantly hated himself, though he knew she would understand.

"I know, I'm sorry…"

"Yeah well let's stop stating the obvious…and if we stay here any longer you're going to have a nice present on your carpet.. vomit beige doesn't suit your wallpaper." Her eyes widened.

"Bathroom?"

"Yeah. Let's… make it quick please" She hauled him up, careful not to disturb his leg as much as she could, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she helped him move.

* * *

><p>It was late in the night when his body finally stopped trying to empty his stomach contents. She had sat on the floor besides him and talked to him soothingly the whole time, as he'd leaned over in to the porcelain bowl. There was no mention of his hallucinations, though she figured they were still bothering him, as occasionally his eyes would stare menacingly at a random spot in the bathroom. It had been around 4am when he passed out on her bed, she had convinced him to move from the bathroom to a more comfortable place after he had stopped heaving. She now sat cross-legged on the bed, her back against the headboard, reading to herself, every now and then giving him a glance and reassuring herself he was ok. His face had a pained expression even in his sleep. He was sweaty from the detox and his hair a mess. Cuddy herself was pretty drained, luckily she had convinced Marina to take Rachel for the night, however her daughter would be returning back later that morning as Marina had to work. That would be another problem in itself, Cuddy couldn't understand House's dislike towards her child. He had never said anything, but she could feel the presence of dislike whenever she mentioned her daughter.<p>

Cuddy placed her book on the bedside table; she was absolutely shattered. Taking another look at his sleeping figure, she took the risk of getting a few hours' sleep. Gently and carefully pulling herself under the covers, afraid of waking him, she laid herself on the edge of the bed making sure that if he moved he would not touch her, wouldn't cause him any unnecessary pain. Shutting her eyes, sleep soon overtook Cuddy, it was a restless sleep, one which wouldn't make her feel any more refreshed when she awoke.

Almost an hour later Cuddy's alarm began to blaze, the deep sleep that had overcome her sheltered her from the noise and she continued to sleep soundly, breathing softly through her nose. To his disgust it had woken House. He looked around for the source of the noise and hit the alarm, causing it to shut off. Grumbling, he rubbed at high thigh, the pain was still there, yet compared to the night before it was nothing more than the dull ache he usually felt on a bad day. He stared at Cuddy who was sleeping silently besides him. Seeing that she was about to fall off of the bed due to the huge space she had left between them, he grabbed her waist, gently rolling her closer to him. He smiled and tried to stifle a laugh as she unconsciously leaned in to him.

"Jeeze Cuddy, talk about being clingy." He spoke softly to her. He was silenced, however, as she placed her hand gently on his chest, the small contact made his heart pick up speed and he swallowed hard. Such a close contact (which he'd not paid for) was long forgotten in his world. Sure he had hookers but never did he allow them to sleep so close to him. He stared down at her; she was tired, it would have been unfair to move her now. He shut his eyes, content with the feeling of warmth that was surrounding him. His leg, the growing ache in his head and hallucinations momentarily forgotten as he drifted quickly back off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Cuddy woke up to the prodding of something into her side. Groaning, she roached down and placed her hand onto the jabbing intruder, identifying it as House's finger. At least she <em>hoped <em>it was his finger.

She kept her eyes closed and muttered groggily. "Ummm what?"

House didn't answer but kept poking her. She opened her eyes about to shout at him, when her grey eyes clashed with his vibrant blue ones. Since when did they get so close? He was right next to her.

"What?" She said flustered, lifting her head up a bit and peering over his shoulder to look at the time. It was 9:30 and she was glad she had taken the day off.

"We're alone." He smirked. Cuddy opened her eyes a little more.

"House shut up … I hope you didn't just wake me up to tell me that we're alone."

"You're right… I wanted to tell you we're alone AND in a bed together." He smirked even more as Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Seriously we're alone…Kutner's gone." Cuddy looked at him questioningly. House averted his gaze; he'd just revealed whom his mind had been stalking him with.

"Kutner?"

"It doesn't matter who, all that matters is that he's gone" Cuddy smiled, she'd talk to him later about Kutner, right now all she could focus on was the growing smile on _his_ face. She hadn't seen a proper smile from him in ages.

"And…and the pain?" She was afraid to ask but she needed to know, she didn't want him returning back to drugs now he was on the road to being clean.

"Pain is pain, it's still there. It'll always be there." Her face fell a little "But it's better, it's not great, but its better." Cuddy shut her eyes, sighing in relief.

"This is great House, great!" Her eyes met his and for once he didn't look away.

"Yeah..." He whispered, still looking directly at her. She moved her head slightly towards him, not breaking eye contact as her head slowly leaned up and her lips brushed against his. He shut his eyes as the tender movement caused electric impulses to run through his body. It was supposed to be a quick kiss. It was supposed to be a way of showing him how happy she was. Though that's not quite how it turned out.

House leaned in to her, slowly kissing back. He reached out, placing his hand against her jaw as his tongue slipped into her mouth. She moaned in appreciation and soon they were in a full on making, tongues fighting for dominance. Cuddy had moved closer to him in the process and now was pressed up tight against him, he snaked his arm around her lower back and she ran her fingers through his hair.

House leaned back against the headboard as Cuddy threw her leg over House's torso straddling him and he placed both his hands on her hips. She leaned down again and captured his lips gently as he shifted slightly under her. She smiled as she felt the growing bulge in his boxers against her clothed sex and ran a hand up his shirt, flicking his nipples with her nails. She grinned against his lips at the moan they escaped his lips. Who know he would be so responsive? Grinding her hips downward she moaned. It was amazing how quickly he could get hard, even after being so exhausted from the night before and having gone through what would probably be remembered as the worst night of his life. Cuddy pulled off his shirt, planting chaste kisses down his chest as she eased herself down his body. House opened his eyes from his half-lidded stare and grabbed her, Cuddy looked up in surprise.

"Hey … are you sure about this…?" his eyes were full of want, he amazed her how he was still able to ask her if she was okay about the whole thing. Smiling Cuddy nodded. _God, she was sure. If nothing else it would put an end to the fantasies and what ifs that had been filling her dreams the past couple of weeks._ Lowering her head Cuddy carried on with the trail of kisses southwards.

She reached the waistband of his boxers, smirking as she saw the tent she had caused in them, grabbing the waistband she went to pull them off, but his hand caught hers and stopped her. For a second the thought of rejection crossed Cuddy's face, until he spoke in a gruff voice full of arousal.

"It isn't exactly fair. I'm practically naked and there's still way too many clothes on you" With that he pulled her back up to him and slipped off her night top. She had been wearing a bra due to the fact he was staying with her, which displeased him a little. Sitting up on her knees House took in the image before him. Cuddy's legs curved upwards, her hips creating the perfect gap between her thighs giving House a good view of her lace blue panties, and the dark blue patch formed at the crotch. Her toned stomach clenched with arousal, causing the small dangling bellybutton piercing to catch in the light. House reached out and flicked the piece of silver jewellery, causing Cuddy to giggle.

"This is one of the hottest things ever. Who knew Dr Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine had her navel pierced?" House said, his voice deep.

Cuddy smiled and reached behind her and unhooked her matching blue bra allowing her breasts to fall free, enjoying the wide eyed reaction she received from the man in front of her. His cock twitched in his pants and he reached out, relishing in the feel of cupping his two favourite obsessions.

House slowly moved his hands downwards, enjoying the smooth expanse of skin under his large hands. He slipped a finger in to her laced panties, and she leaned in to him, moaning with pleasure. He set to work tentatively dipping a finger in and out of her, agonizingly slowly. He wanted to make sure she actually wanted this, wanted the physical as well as the emotional. Cuddy was on the verge of having her first orgasm already, just from the small touches he was placing on her, but before she could come he rolled them both over, his leg forgotten in the heat of the moment. Cuddy successfully grabbed his boxers, and freed his erection holding him in her hand, gently stroking up and down the velvet smooth skin. She broke free from her passion as she thought back, trying to remember that one night in med school. Was it possible for it to have gotten bigger over time? He pushed against her willing her to move and she did so, easing her hands up and down his length.

"Cuddy..." he panted breathlessly, her slow movements reciprocating the feeling he had given her moments before.

House pulled at her underwear and tossed them aside as he let his hands roam her body, making sure to feel every curve, to take in everything and push it to the back of his mind. God knows he'll be wanting to retrieve and relive this moment later. His eyes locked with hers as he rolled her onto her back and wrapped her legs around his hips. He slowly, without warning, pushed in to her, causing Cuddy to gasp leaning in to meet him. Either he was definitely bigger than she remembered or the fact that she just hadn't had sex in so long and was incredibly tight caused the most delicious feeling to overcome her whole body. He wondered why such a beautiful and intelligent woman, who got looks from men every time she crossed the hospital floor, wouldn't take advantage of the free sex. Though he assumed that's where the two genders differed. He slowly pushed a little further in to her, taking it slow, not wanting to hurt her at all.

After a few minutes Cuddy wrapped her legs tighter around him, urging him to carry on moving and he did so, pulling out then pushing in to her a little faster. House groaned as he pulled out of her nearly all the way, then pushed himself in, as he kissed and nibbled her ear lobe.

"House you've really gotta go faster…" she said, grasping his butt and pushing him down on her. With fluid motion he thrust in to her faster and hard, building up the climax between them.

Cuddy ran her fingers through Houses hair, kissing his chin and the scruff of his stubble as he continued to thrust in to her.

"House! Oh my god.. I'm close." She muttered breathlessly in between his movements.

"Let go then..." House replied. He wanted her to come before him, so he moved his hips faster into her, and reached down, toying with the small bundle of nerves above their joining, pushing her over the edge. He came straight after she did, empty himself in to her.

They remained still for a few seconds in pure bliss. Not one of them moving, or wanting to break the silence. After a moment House slowly pulled out of Cuddy. Mentally and physically exhausted from the course of events that had taken place previously. They fell back asleep to a well-deserved rest, House clinging on to Cuddy, her head buried in to his chest.

* * *

><p><em>According to Hollie, she felt 'naked' writing this. LOLOLOL adios writers' virginity.<em>

_And THANK YOU all so much for the reviews! 100! asdfghjkasdfghjkasdfghjkl_


	11. Chapter 11

_Sorry it took a while to update, I take total blame for that!_

* * *

><p>Raising his arms above his head and listening to the clicks that sounded from his stretching back, House groaned. He rubbed at his eyes before reaching his hand down under the covers and massaging his leg; surprising himself at the lack of underwear he felt. Opening his eyes tentatively he surveyed his surroundings, though quickly smiling to himself as the events of the few hours' previous flooded back in to his mind. He reached his arm over to the left, expecting to come into contact with a warm body; a warm body of a certain female who, arguably, had turned what was the worst night of his life into one he would definitely put down in the 'good' section of his memories. His arm, however, found nothing but cold sheets and upon closer inspection, no Cuddy anywhere. Pulling his arm back onto his thigh he inaudibly sighed and felt the pace of his heart speed up. <em>It was real! It WAS real…It was certainly real, right? No way was it was a hallucination... <em>Pushing his palm down into the angry indents in his thigh he groaned and reached over to the bedside table, picking up a bottle of pills and shaking them. It was only when he spilled two pills out into his hand did he realized they weren't his vicodin. These pills were nothing more than ibuprofen. His vicodin was gone; he couldn't take vicodin anymore. A shiver ran down his spine as the pain in his thigh flared up once more. The adrenaline from earlier had worn off and he was really feeling the effects of the detox, as well as the more... amorous activities he'd participated in.

* * *

><p>He threw down two ibuprofen and rested his head back on the headboard, breathing as quiet as possible so he could hear if Cuddy was near. Holding his breath he listened hard, but he could hear nothing. No sounds, no movement, nothing. Cuddy wasn't there. House sat up in her bed and looked around for his underwear, it was downright <em>awkward<em> to be alone and naked in his boss's home. Picking his boxers up off of the floor he steadied himself before lifting his leg, the pain combined with the dizziness in his head and the churning in his stomach wasn't a good combination and he breathed in and out steadily, fighting back the nausea that overcame him. Slipping on his boxers and a t-shirt he rubbed his hand over his face and shivered, the after effects of the detox were still affecting him and he felt like complete shit. His stomach jolted as a sharp pain ran through his abdomen and he regretted taking the ibuprofen on an empty stomach as he jumped up out of the bed and limped as fast as a man with a dizzying headache and a bum leg could into Cuddy's en-suite bathroom. He threw himself down onto the white tiles floor and emptied his stomach contents violently into the porcelain bowl, at that point not quite caring if he made a mess. The pain in his stomach rivaled the pain he felt in his head and he grabbed at his leg as he heaved and gagged, coughing violently. Shivers ran down his spine and he felt the warm trail of tears run down his face. He felt mentally exhausted and incapable of doing anything other than rest against Cuddys toilet and heave. House flushed the toilet and rested his back against the cold bathtub, shivering as a sudden wave of syncope and tiredness washed over him and he passed out, curling his hand around the bathroom rug on the floor for warmth.

* * *

><p>Cuddy pushed her foot down harder on the accelerator pedal as she drove down the highway to Marina's house. She was so grateful to the nanny for being able to look after her daughter overnight but all she wanted now was to collect her and get home. Not that she didn't trust House alone in her home; she just didn't want to leave him. He would probably be in pain and after the morning they'd both had, she didn't want him to feel used. She laughed to herself at the thought that House would think she'd used him, hell anyone would think that he'd be happy with that. But Cuddy knew, she knew that he would be disappointed if he woke up to find her gone. Somewhere underneath that rough exterior there was an insecure man, and even further under was a heart. A heart that had physically, as well as emotionally, been broken far too many times. The loud beep of a horn shocked Cuddy out of her reverie as she jumped and focused her attention back on the road, her heart pumping and adrenaline surging as she pressed her foot down on the break just in time to avoid smashing into the car ahead.<p>

"Woah" Cuddy said as she exhaled and felt her heart rate return to normal and the residual adrenaline keep her senses on high alert.

Cuddy kept her mind clear and her eyes on the road the rest of the journey to her nanny's house, thinking of House was quite literally dangerous and she didn't quite fancy getting into an accident.

Once she'd collected Rachel and paid Marina, they made their way home with Rachel jabbering away about her night away from home in the backseat. The sound of her little voice filled Cuddy's heart with warmth and she felt an overwhelming love for the child. Her daughter was her life. She once felt as though she would never ever bond with her, not like a biological mother would with her child, but now she would literally give her life for the little girl. This was the reason she didn't want to get too close with House. Although, it might have been a little late for second thoughts now. Rachel deserved someone who would care for her and love her as a father would love his child. House… wouldn't do that for her. House wouldn't accept her. House… House didn't like her for all she knew! Focusing her attentions back on the road, they made their way home, Cuddy trying hopelessly to forget the huge mess she may have brought upon herself.

* * *

><p>House rolled onto his back, feeling himself wake up as the cold tiled floor and a jabbing ache in his side pushing him back into consciousness. He opened his eyes slowly, not wanting to face the light just yet. The ache in his head and his leg had reduced significantly but the diminished pain was replaced by a throbbing ache in his left side, just above his hip. He rubbed his eyes and opened them fully, allowing him to easily find out the cause of the ache in his side. Above him stood Rachel, a lollipop in her mouth and a pointed finger poking into his abdomen.<p>

"Hi" she said, the lolly swirling in her mouth as she spoke.

House mumbled something; the only audible word to be heard was 'kid' at the end.

"I gots you some water." She said as she handed him a sippy cup a quarter full of water. "When momma sick she asks for water"

House smiled at her, her cuteness was pure… _sickening. _

"Are you sick?" she asked, sitting herself down on the fluffy bathroom rug opposite him.

House nodded. _Was he sick? _God, yes. He was so sick. Sick of everything; sick of pain, sick of being confused, sick of the damn cold weather, sick of the scar, sick of little girls that get in the way... the list was endless. Looking up at Rachel's puppy dog blue eyes he rethought his last 'sick of'. She wasn't too bad, yeah she got in the way, but she was a good kid. God knows he'd met other kids her age and they were nothing more than psychotic hyperactive sticky monkeys. Compared to them Rachel was...bearable.

"Where's your mother?" House asked, taking a sip of the water. He grimaced when he tasted how warm it was. "Where did you get this?" he groaned, wiping his hand over his mouth.

"Momma is in the kitchen. She making lunch and I gots it from the tap. She says I'm not allowed to touch the red tap but shh" she said, giggling as she placed her finger over her lips.

House smiled at her and placed the sippy cup down on the floor. He could hear Cuddy walking around in the kitchen, her heels clicking on the laminated floor as she hurried herself around. In one way he was glad she was back, but he didn't want to face the awkwardness he knew would arise when she realized he was awake. Especially now the kid was home.

"Do you know what time it is?" House asked, hoping Rachel was advanced enough to tell time.

"Thirty o'clock. Lunch time" Rachel said confidently. Apparently she wasn't advanced enough.

"Thirty o'clock. Right." House said, humoring her. Rachel sat back against the wall, crossing her legs at her ankles in exactly the same way Cuddy did when she was relaxed. House mirrored her movement, knowing he would have to get up soon.

"Why are you in momma's bathroom? Are we going to funedral again?" Rachel asked, fiddling with her jacket zipper. Why she was content to stay with him House had no idea, she should have ran when she first saw him, not stay, and definitely not offer him some water.

"No, we're not going to a _funeral._ I had a... tummy bug." Rachel looked at him with wide eyes, sympathizing best she could. She'd had a tummy bug before, and it wasn't nice. It hurt a lot and she felt awful. "Cud- Your mom helped me to get better."

"Did she give you hugs? When I have tummy bug momma give me hugs because they are magical an make you better."

"Magical?"

"Yeah! Mommy medsun. Makes your tummy better"

House almost snorted with laughter. "Your mom definitely has magical _medicine_. I guess she gave me hugs" House thought back to the early morning and smiled. "She gave me lots of hugs"

"Good" Rachel whispered.

* * *

><p>Cuddy finished chopping apple slices and stopped in her tracks, she could've sworn she'd heard voices and a giggle coming from the other room.<p>

"Rachel?" she called out, knowing her daughter would be playing somewhere. After she received no answer she went back to her food prep, before being distracted again with the sound of voices. She'd explicitly told Rachel not to go into her room, knowing for definite House wouldn't appreciate her young child waking him up or annoying him. It was only when she heard a low voice accompany the giggles did she stop.

"Shit" she whispered under her breath and felt her heart drop. It wasn't that she was scared to go and see House, not at all. She just wasn't ready to face him after what had happened, which was understandable, sleeping with a detoxing employee when he was vulnerable and had voluntarily put her in a place of high superiority over him didn't scream romance. Not at all. She felt bad, felt like she'd taken advantage of him.

Throwing the knives and chopping board into the sink she took a few deep breaths before walking down the hallway and into her bedroom, hearing the voices become louder and clearer with every step she took.

"No no no, I already told you! When Spongebob gots stuck in wock bottom he hafta talk" Rachel stopped and blew a raspberry. "Like" and another one "This." She blew a huge raspberry, showering herself, and a part of House with saliva.

"Rachel!" Cuddy all but shouted from the bathroom door.

Both House and Rachel looked up at her, like two children who had been caught doing something bad.

"Rachel, I've told you it's very rude to blow raspberries! Lunch is ready, so go wash your hands" Cuddy said, her voice becoming less and less mad as she ushered Rachel out of the room.

Turning back around Cuddy looked down at House and smiled, he reciprocated a faint boyish one back.

"Hey"

"Hey" he replied. He tried to lift himself up using the bath as support, groaning as his leg gave way, partly from the pain of not having his meds, and partly from having been sat down for so long.

Cuddy realized his struggle and held out her hand. House grasped it tightly, curling his long fingers in between her knuckles, almost completely covering her small hand. Slowly, but surely he got up and stretched, clicking his back and neck.

"Did Rachel wake you? I'm sorry, House. I told her not to come in-" Cuddy apologised.

"It's okay." He interrupted her panic. "I guess it's a good thing, any longer sleeping on that bathroom floor and my back would've turned to stone"

"Why were you on the floor?"

"Was sick"

"Oh"

They stood in awkward silence, both not quite knowing what to say or do. Should they talk about it? Should she pretend like it didn't even happen? How would he feel? Was a relationship even on his mind… did SHE want one with HIM? The awkwardness was soon ended as Rachel came stumbling back into the room, making as much racket as a small child does.

"Momma, want lunch" she said, her hands on her non-existent hips.

"Sure baby" Cuddy said with a smile, she looked up at House and left the room, knowing that they would definitely have to talk, seriously talk, and soon.

* * *

><p>House limped into the kitchen, leaning on his cane heavily. He'd gotten changed into his jeans and a black band t-shirt and his hair was wet and dripping down his back, causing the collar of his shirt to turn a darker colour. Cuddy fought against the maternal urge to tell him he'd catch a chill, instead using her doctor's reasoning and offered him a seat at the table.<p>

"Do you fancy some lunch?" she asked.

House's stomach churned. He hadn't eaten since yesterday lunchtime and he was definitely hungry, but his stomach was still delicate and he feared any food he ate would soon be seen again all over the kitchen floor.

"No" he said as he watched Rachel dip her apple slices in peanut butter.

"House, you have to eat something"

"I'm not hungry"

"How about some peanut butter and celery sticks? Those aren't too heavy on your stomach"

"Vegetables? Eurghhh" He made a sound of disgust, which made Rachel giggle. "Definitely not"

Cuddy rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her hip. "Then you're having a glass of oralyte."

"Cuddy, I'm not a child." House said, beginning to feel frustrated.

"No, but the lines under your eyes and your pale complexion tell me you're at least a bit dehydrated and you haven't eaten in a while. You need to keep up your...strength" Cuddy slowed as she realised Houses intent stare at her, his eyes glossy blue, causing her to blushed.

"Fine, I'll have a peanut butter sandwich" He gave in.

Cuddy turned around and set to work on making House's lunch. House rested his back against the chair and watched Rachel as she dipped her apple into the peanut butter dip, licked the peanut butter off and then discarded the apple.

"Aren't you supposed to eat the apple too?" House said lightly. Considering everything, he should have been in a god awful mood, but for some strange unknown reason, he wasn't. Maybe Rachel had slipped him something in the warm sippy cup substance or he was actually going _insane_ but he felt...content. His thigh was aching with an intensity he'd not felt since just after the infarction and his head still felt foggy and his stomach was rolling but he felt, dare he think it, happy. Perhaps he was still riding the post-coital wave, or the fact that he felt comfortable in the two ladies' presence but for the time being he wasn't going to think. Wasn't going to over analyze the situation, he was just going to take the day for what it was, not think about what could happen or what had happened. He wasn't going to get his hopes up either.

Rachel dipped a thoroughly sucked apple slice into her pot of peanut butter and offered it to House. House looked at the apple, the tip gnawed by teeth marks and he was sure the little drip down the side was drool not juice, and declined. Though he was touched by the offer, Rachel really was being the epitome of 'cute little girl' today.

"Here" Cuddy said as she gave House his sandwich.

"Thanks" he replied, taking a small bit out of the bread.

"Rachel, eat your apple!" Cuddy said, picking up on Rachel's little trick.

"Don't want no apple"

"If you don't eat your apple you won't have cookies"

"Noooooo!" Rachel screamed, as if it was the worst thing in the world.

House squeezed his eyes shut at the high-pitched wail and reconsidered his last thoughts.

"Eat three slices of apple and you can have _one _cookie. Eat all of it and you can have two" Cuddy negotiated.

Rachel frowned and picked at her apple slices, slowly nibbling them down until they were gone.

* * *

><p>Once dinner was over and House had certainly had his fill of domesticity Cuddy allowed Rachel her cookies.<p>

"Can I have a cookie, mommy?" House said, trying to avoid the awkwardness that dared to follow.

"Sure" she said as she handed Rachel two cookies and gave the pack to House.

"Oatmeal raisin? Seriously Cuddy?" You promise the kid cookies and you give her the most healthy thing you can find..." House said with mock disbelief. Turning the packet over House read the nutritional information. "Oh my god and they're low fat too…Cuddy, I'm offended." Cuddy laughed and took the packet off him.

"If you don't want my cookie then fine" she said as she playfully spoke back, stopping in her tracks when she realized the other meaning to the word 'cookie'

"Oh I want your cookie, Cuddy" House said in _that _voice, he used which was a mixture between a growl and a whisper.

They both looked at each other, daring the other to speak, but again, they were interrupted by Rachel as she shouted "Cookie!" loudly before devouring the biscuit. Cuddy stared at her child, laughing helplessly at her, where as House merely looked at his sandwich he had been handed before. _The kid._ He thought deeply to himself.

* * *

><p>Not too long later, Rachel had been put down for a nap, House was laying on Cuddy's sofa fighting off a bout of shakes and nausea and Cuddy was typing away at her laptop, not being able to stay away from work, even on her day off.<p>

Sighing Cuddy closed her laptop and placed it on the floor.

"House" she called over to him.

House removed the pillow that was placed over his head and looked at her.

"Cuddy"

"House...what's going to happen?"

House flung his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. She wanted one of _those _chats.

"Well I'm pretty sure the sun is going to expand, eventually getting so big it reaches the earth's orbit where we'll be completely engulfed into the flames and well…yeah."

Cuddy wasn't amused with his attempt at deflection. "I meant in the _near _future. What's going to happen with the vicodin, the detox, the rehab?"

"Woah, woah, woah. Rehab?" For a second he thought she was about to bring up the previous night and the fiery activity, however on second looks he actually seemed more ready to talk about it than her. He knew she was avoiding the conversation as much as he was, if not more.

"House, we need to get you on a program. Remove your psychological addiction as well as your physical one"

House knew she was right, of course she was but still...he hated the idea of him as an addict. It was true though, he _was _an addict. But constant reminders of that fact only annoyed the fuck out of him and having the woman he liked and in a deep complicated and convoluted way wanted to impress, blatantly pointing it out to him, well it down right hurt.

"I don't need rehab. The shakes are almost gone, the nausea is manageable and with the pain meds you've given me the pain is just above manageable. I'm fine. Don't need rehab."

"House, you can't be serious...If you want this, want to be clean then you have to get some help, and not just from me. Sure, I can help you medically but we need to get people _specialized_ in these things to help you. I just…can't. I'll try my best, I promise, but you need someone with the expertise." House frowned for a second, those words in his mind held more to them than she had intended to give away. She wasn't planning on anything between them.

House unknowingly nodded, drowned in thought. What she was saying about the drugs and the relationship between the both of them was total truth but somewhere, he just didn't want to accept it. He didn't want to accept he was an addict, nor that he needed help. If that was the case, he wasn't worth her whether or not she wanted to be with him.

"What do you think I should do?" he asked plainly.

"I think I just made my views pretty clear. I want you to go to rehab, I want you to be serious about this and I want you to be clean. I want you to be happy, not high"

"I didn't do vicodin to get high, Cuddy." he snapped.

"Don't piss about House, maybe you didn't do it to get high, but don't for once tell me it was just for the pain. I understand your pain must be immense, but using drugs to fight emotional pain, to conceal your feelings…it's not healthy."

Cuddy stopped herself, not wanting to be too hard on him. Getting up off the couch and sitting herself down on House's couch, she placed her hands on his shins, he initially flinched at the contact but relaxed as he felt the warmth from her palm through the blanket.

"I can get you on a program at the hospital. It can be outpatient if you really wish, but please House, please consider seeing someone about this."

House dug his palm into his thigh, focusing his attention on the pain that was increasing in intensity there instead of Cuddy's words and nodded.

"Okay"

"Okay?" Cuddy smiled, not getting her hopes up just yet.

"I'll do it if you promise that I'll have meds that _will _help my pain, and if it'll be on an outpatient basis."

"I can do that" Cuddy said with a smile, squeezing House's leg.

"But..." House began. "If I'm to be going home tonight, we need to get rid of the pills there. I want to be clean, but I know where all of my stashes are and I know that I'll take them. I won't even know I'm doing it until it's too late."

"I'd collect them all up for you, House. It's just. Rachel and I'm working tomorrow and..."Cuddy stopped, trying to think of a way they could clean House's apartment of drugs.

"Wilson" House said quietly. He didn't want to go home, to be honest, he wanted to stay with her, or at least have some company…preferably someone who was not going to lecture him on his future, like such a friend called Wilson might do.

"He would do it." Cuddy nodded. "Damn, he would decline a three way with Beyonce and Lady Gaga just for the opportunity to get rid of the vicodin at your place"

House smiled as he imagined a three way with Beyonce and Lady Gaga, his smile soon faded, however, as the image of Wilson with them filled his mind and he grimaced a little, trying to get himself to erase the image from ever appearing in his mind again.

"Do you want to call him?" Cuddy asked

"Will you?" House really didn't want to face Wilson right now.

"I'll do it now. You look exhausted, go and have a nap and I'll call Wilson. He'll probably need to speak to you though, about where your secret secret stashes are hidden."

"Fine" House said as he curled onto his side into the sofa and closed his eyes, trying to get a few extra hours of sleep.

* * *

><p>House was awoken from his sleep by the high pitched wails of an infant and a jabbing into his chest.<p>

"House…House, wake up! Rachel, please be quiet, honey. Mommy will make you some juice now."

House groaned. "Juice?" he said, sleepily.

"House, wake up" Cuddy said again, strongly.

"I'm awake, god shut that thing up!" he growled, Rachel instantly looking at him, a hint of terror in her eyes. Catching the look on her face, House wanted to slap himself, the detox was sapping at any strength left he had to control himself.

"House, Wilson is here. He wants to talk to you"

House felt the familiar feeling of dread tighten in his stomach.

"Hi, House" Wilson said as he sat down next to House.

"If you're sure about this, I'm definitely prepared to do it. I just need a key and I need you to be totally honest with me. I need to know exactly where you have the vicodin, all of it." Wilson said seriously.

House proceeded with giving Wilson his key and once he'd gotten there, told Wilson where he had his secret stashes hidden.

* * *

><p>Wilson finished about four hours later; he had a large medical waste bag full of at least fifty separate bottles of pills and a couple of vials of morphine. The sight of it filled his heart with worry and sadness, to think this is such a huge part of his best friend's life filled him with endless sadness.<p>

Putting the bag into the boot of his car, making sure he wasn't seen by anyone he made his way to the hospital to properly dump the pills into the medical waste bin, hoping that with it, the addiction would leave too.


	12. Chapter 12

Wilson had come back to collect House after dumping the drugs off at the hospital. As Wilson stood watching House put on his shoes , he felt an awkward separation between House and himself and Wilson could tell he wanted a few minutes alone with Cuddy. He honestly had no idea what was going on between the two but thought it would be best to interrogate House later, so he decided to wait in the car for him, and allowed him to come out in his own time.

House found Cuddy sitting in Rachel's bedroom watching the little child sleep softly. At first he didn't want to ruin the moment between the two, he thought it was perhaps best just to leave a note saying something along the lines of 'Gone. Wilson's outside.' Though he knew he'd receive hell after about it from both Cuddy and Wilson if he did that and to be frank a small part of him wanted to stay as long as he was able to. There was nothing official going on between the two of them, for all he knew it was a one night stand that had occurred the day before and that was it, much like the many years ago in college. He certainty wasn't going to start asking questions, maybe because inside he was afraid of the answer he almost certainty knew he would get. Rejection. What would be the point in asking a question he already knew the answer to, it would be unnecessary.

Cuddy stood up and turned around only to be greeted with House's large figure standing in the doorway, his eyes displaying to her that he was totally lost in thought, not registering her movements until after a few seconds when she was much closer to him. It made Cuddy's heart flutter a little, his shadowy figure, tall and broad leaning again the door frame; half in the room half out.

"Hey..." She spoke softly as she walked towards him. His eyes darted up suddenly and caught hers; she could see they were glazed with a deep emotion, which almost resembled sadness. "I didn't realise you were standing there." House stepped back silently as Cuddy closed Rachel's door slightly.

"Yeah… I didn't know where you were and then I stumbled in to your… bonding moment" He was trying to be witty but for once none of his words seemed to come out right, only resulting in one long awkward explanation. Cuddy smiled at him as she walked into the lounge. "I just wanted to tell you Wilson's back, he's waiting outside." Cuddy nodded.

"Right, are you going to be ok?" He wanted to tell her, tell her he didn't really want to leave, didn't want to go back home to his once drug riddled apartment. Though he couldn't. Cuddy had responsibilities, responsibilities that didn't consist of looking after him. She had a daughter.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." He whispered almost quietly

"Ill see you tomorrow? We can talk more then…?" She could see he was tired, drained, she was too. There would be no use in talking about anything tonight; it would be a waist of breath.

"Sure…"

House moved towards the door, his fingers gripping the handle tightly. He wanted to speak, shout or just whisper something that let him stay a little longer, he wanted to urge himself to break down the walls he had built up over the course of many brutal years. But he couldn't. Turning back to her he looked at her tired figure, the past 72 hours had exhausted her as much as him.

"Goodnight Cuddy"

She smiled softly back. "Night House"

He opened the door gently, the mild breeze catching him off guard. Cuddy's house had been warm and cosy, even with his cold sweats and shivers, which were still persistent yet more tamed. He could tell the weather wasn't going to be any good to help lift his mood. A car engine sprung to life at the sight of House, Wilson peering out through the passenger window to see what was taking him so long. House turned back to Cuddy, who was standing on the doorstep.

"Thanks…" he spoke gruffly. Before she had a chance to reply he kissed her chastely on the cheek, taking Cuddy by surprise.

She blushed and smiled as she watched House turn fast on his heels, boyishly, not waiting to see her reaction as he limped heavily down her front steps to the car. _House was no gentleman by default, though he could be one when he wanted to be._ Cuddy thought to herself, shutting the door and locking in the warm haze which had seemed to double since his presence in her house.

* * *

><p>He lay wrapped up in his bed. It was only 11pm that for House could almost be classed as morning; his internal body clock was so screwed up. Though with a new bout of shivers setting in, wiping any strength he had left, he decided bed was the safest place to be. His bed was cold and his apartment empty, almost reflecting the ominous feeling he had inside. Wilson had offered that House come and stay with him, though he declined it almost instantly. Wilson had also asked him many other things on the car journey back to his apartment, like why House had called Cuddy and not him. Though the questions were only to be answered by snarky remarks such as " I didn't realise my mother still wanted to hold my hand as I puked on her shoes, if I'd known I would have given you a call."<p>

Wilson had finally taken the hint that House didn't want to talk, after his question about the kiss on the doorstep.

House had bitterly snapped back "Jealous are we? The talk at the nurse's station must be true then? Personally I'm shocked you didn't tell me first that you were gay."

It was about half an hour later when House finally let his thoughts run into an endless stream of unconsciousness, as an unsettled sleep overtook his tired form.

Cuddy was standing by the nurses station, bent over, filling in some quick paper work for nurse Brenda. She was dressed in one of her tight fitting grey skirts and a deep red low cut silk blouse. House eyed up her ass, as per usual, whilst walking in at 11:35am. Stepping up and standing inches behind her he leaned over her shoulder

"Having fun?" Cuddy stood up straight, trying not to look flustered by his sudden appearance behind her.

"House!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out…well it depends, if it's in the form of a scream at the height of some form of pleasure…then be my guest…"

Cuddy turned round to face him, her hand taking its place firmly on the side of her hip. He hadn't moved back from his entail standing position, so placing a hand on his chest, she pushed him slightly back. He looked at her hand

"Didn't realise you were the type of person who liked to do 'IT' publicly."

"House, shut up." With one small spin on her hips, Cuddy handed the paper work back to Nurse Brenda and marched into the clinic. He stood stunned and then frowned; she was usually up for a quick round of banter.

* * *

><p>Instead of going straight to his office like usual, House decided on harassing some poor stranger into buying him an early lunch. There were two reasons behind his motives, one was that he had skipped out on breakfast due to a bout of sickness and light-headedness; it seemed his detox was still playing a nasty part in messing up his eating habits. The other reason was that Wilson would most likely be on his second hunt by now to try and find out what was going on between Cuddy and him, so naturally the first place he would look was House's office. So House reckoned that the cafeteria bought him a few minutes of well-earned piece.<p>

He scanned the cafeteria. Dr Hirani was on his way to paying for some sandwiches, which was good enough for House.

"Hirani my buddy! How's it going?" House shouted as he made his way over to the doctor, whilst picking up a bagel as well. Dr Hirani looked at House suspiciously.

"Last time I checked, we weren't friends, due to that incident where you decided it would be funny to put a patients stool sample in my office…over the weekend."

"You have a good memory, don't you?" House nodded in agreement as he followed him to the cash register.

"Also the only time you care about anyone else is when you want or need something from them." House smirked at how well people knew his antics around the hospital. "What is it you want?"

"Put it on his tab." House waved the bagel in front of the cashier and walked off, leaving Dr Hirani to pay. "Pleasure doing business with you Hirani." House called, as he made his way to a vacant seat.

As House occupied himself with a magazine he'd taken from a nearby table, he didn't notice Wilson enter the cafeteria, stop for a few seconds to look around and then march straight up to him. He sat down opposite House, who suddenly looked up, rolling his eyes when he saw who it was.

"Damn! I thought I'd bought myself a little longer in here." He said looking at his watch. Though Wilson's face was stern and silent. House looked at him questionably, but still Wilson's face was blank.

"Are you going to talk to me, or is this one of those reflection moments, where we both sit in silence and I pretend to think deeply about something I've done wrong." Wilson didn't move. "Look if you don't mind can we hurry this up, I have a soap to watch…." Still nothing.

"Okay you're right, I don't care if you mind, I'm still going whether you like it or not." House made his way to move, when Wilson finally spoke up.

"Will you tell me what the hell is going on with you and Cuddy?" House sat back down and took a deep, over exaggerated breath, preparing himself for a lengthy explanation.

"..Nothing is going on." He spoke simply.

"House!"

"You know what they say about a person who keeps accusing someone of liking someone, that actually that person likes that _someone_ themselves…you should really tell Cuddy your true feelings for her, its not good to keep them bottled up."

"Will you have a proper conversation with me, please! For once." House replaced his jokey face with more of a serious one. "First of all you don't tell me about this detox, then you spend the night with Cuddy. And what about that kiss on her cheek before you left? I know detoxes can change people but House you don't believe people change and even if they did, not that quickly. It's like I don't even know you any more."

House smiled at Wilsons' need to know everything and sudden worry.

"I'm fine, Cuddy's fine…. There's nothing going on between Cuddy and I, and if you didn't know already, it's usually a normal thing for someone to kiss another person on the cheek after they've done something nice for them." Wilson sat stunned and shook his head.

"What a load of old crap! Since when do you do anything nice for any one else and if everything is okay between you and her, why did she give you the cold shoulder not more than two hours ago by the nurses station?"

"Are you stalking me? Wilson I've told you before, it's not an attractive quality in a man." House joked but shrugged for a more decent answer to Wilson's question. He then jumped slightly, reaching down to his pocket he pulled out his pager.

"I'm sorry we have stop this ever so interesting conversation, seems I'm wanted in the clinic. Something about being a doctor and looking after sick people, don't ask me what it's about though, I don't remember signing up for it." House stood up and limped out of the cafeteria, leaving Wilson just as confused as when he'd arrived.

* * *

><p>House hadn't been paged to the clinic, but rather to Cuddy's office. It was nearing on 2pm and he was wondering if he was ever going to get a case today, or just spend it talking about feelings. He really didn't know which was worse.<p>

He pushed open her office door with his cane. Cuddy didn't move. It was the familiar pace of his uneven footsteps that told her there was no need to look up.

"You called?" he asked her as he stood in front of her desk. Cuddy finally looked up, her face still looking rather tired from the previous nights.

"We need to talk."

"Of course, why else would I be standing here?"

"Sit."

"Sitting here." He corrected himself as he took the seat in front of her desk. "What is it?"

"Your rehab starts in 2 days, I need you to sign this." She handed him a pen and a sheet of paper, he signed it quickly not reading it at all. "You've been put under a different name, so no one will find out what's going on. House nodded. "This is your new prescription for Ibuprofen and before you moan at me about the dosage just remember that's what rehab is for, so Please try and cooperate with them there, I know it's hard for you but- "

"Cuddy…" House interrupted her. She looked in to his eyes. "What's really going on?"

Cuddy looked at him, not wanting to understand what he was asking. "Nobody knows about this… if that's what you're asking?" She said slowly.

"No… I mean…what's going on between us." She sat back in her chair a little and House averted his gaze slightly. "I don't want to talk about it as much as you do, probably more…but if your going to keep bringing me in here to talk to me about it, then back out at the last minute, you're never going to sort this out."

"What are you on about? This is the first time I've called you in here and _I'm_ never going to sort this out?"

"Hey! You're the one who wants to talk about it, not me, I can tell you're not going to drop it until we have a _proper_ conversation, that's just who you are…I just would rather get it over and done with now so we can move on…from wherever we are now."

There was a pause.

"I took advantage of you, when you were detoxing, you weren't in your right mind."

"I wasn't? Because then I haven't been in my right mind for a long time…" It slipped out quicker than House could stop himself, causing Cuddy to blush.

"You were in pain, and I…I felt bad for putting you through that pain…"

"Cuddy your rationalisation is making no sense. For one you didn't just jump me out of guilt, you actually like me, don't you?"

"House. I shouldn't have slept with you, you're an employee and it's wrong. I just hope things and just go back to normal." She was starting to get a little more anxious, if he kept talking she was going to say something she would regret.

"Oh come off it Cuddy! We both know you were in your right mind and we both no you don't regret it!" he raised his voice.

"You're right!" she shouted at him. "I don't regret it. But we sure as hell can't do it again." House's eyes travelled from the floor back to hers again. "I can't do this. You can't do this. I have a daughter, I can't have a guy who is just around for meaningless sex, I don't need it and I certainly don't want it to be you."

"So what do you want?" His voice was quitter now.

"I need someone who is…who is going to be able to support Rachel and me, who is going to be around when we need them and who I can have a functional relationship with."

House nodded."You're right…I'm the last thing you need…for both of you…"

Her eyes were filled with tears, he didn't want them to fall, but as the first of many trickled down her face effortlessly he thought it best to leave.

He turned to walk away, limping to the door heavily, when he saw a man standing on the other side of the glass. House stopped. The man was staring directly at him. _How long had he been standing there?_

"House?" Cuddy asked, wondering what he was looking at. Though the question was ignored, as House opened the door slightly and stuck his head out.

"I don't know if you noticed but when the door is shut, it's shut for a reason; means people usually don't want to be disturbed, also they usually don't want people listening in on their conversations." The man took a step forward.

"You're right." He said in a whisper of a voice, moving even closer to House. "I should have knocked sooner." He smiled bitterly at House. Then slowly produced a gun from his inner blazer pocket, ramming it hard against Houses stomach, making sure he knew it was real, causing him to move back with shock.

"House?" Cuddy spoke, confused about the situation, she couldn't yet see the gun. The door shut behind the two men and as they turned slightly the gun was revealed. It was flashed in front of her face as the man motioned for House to stand behind the desk, accompanying Cuddy, who was overtaken with fear.

A sudden gun sound echoed through the building and a wave of panicked screams was suddenly heard from outside Cuddy's office. House and Cuddy's eyes darted to the glass doors, where a second gunmen could be seen, frantically waving his gun above his head.

Their attention was turned back to the man stood in front of them, as he coughed almost graciously to bring their attention back onto him.

"Seems you're awfully quiet doctor. House? Is it? When you're not in control anymore…."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The clinic was quickly turned into a moving wave of people, crowds of terrified patients scurried towards the exits, their runny noses and excuses for a day off work instantly forgotten in favour of saving their lives. There was a few seconds of pure mayhem followed by an abnormal silence engulfing the hospital. It was an alarming silence which caught House's attention immediately, his focus fixed on deducing what was going on outside Cuddy's office doors, rather than concentrating on what was going on in the room he was in. The place had been quickly turned into complete stillness, which seemed to last an eternity, though it was stopped by a sharp pain that radiated up through House's stomach as a gun was jammed in to him. Cuddy and House's attention was quickly brought back to the armed man in front of them.

Cuddy was the first to speak, breaking the tension filled hush. Her voice shaky and weak, surprising both House and herself at how she came across

"Sir, can you plea…" Cuddy screamed as the man lurched forward violently thrusting his gun in front of her face, House's instincts took over and flinched forwards. Though the man glared at him and he took a step back standing again by Cuddy's side. It caused another wave of silence to fall upon them.

"Shut up, bitch. You talk when you're spoken to" His voice was stern, but lightened and softened a little at the next two words "Doctor House?"

House's eyes opened wide. "What?" he muttered angrily, his eyes narrowed at the man and is eyebrows drawn together tightly with a frown etched into his face.

"You're not the politest of people, I've ever met." The gunman smirked.

"Bite me!" House spoke.

"You would have thought you would give more respect to a man holding a loaded gun."

"Funny then, you're gonna have to think rethink your plan if you want some of that."

The man smiled again. It was a creepy smile, if you could call it a smile. He lurched forward a second time, grabbing Cuddy and spinning her around, pressing her to his front, with his Gun to her stomach. "Better?" He joked though no one laughed.

"Let her go." He said through gritted teeth, the pain in his leg slowly radiating. He thought It was a good starting point for reasoning with the mad man, though on second thoughts it wasn't a reasoning at all, more so an order. He took in his features, deducing as much as possible. He tried again when no reply came.

"What do you want?" He almost felt sick even contemplating giving in to this man.

His hair was grey but thick, speckled with dark brown hairs and his skin looked dry and leathery. The lines around his eyes and mouth told House he was physically aged far beyond his biological body clock. His breath came in pants, short wheezes in and out and his eyes were tinged with a misty yellow. There was something_ off_ about him, besides from being, at first glance, a raging psychopath.

"I need…you to help me, doctor."

"House…?" Cuddy's strained voice came from behind the man; he ground the gun harder into her abdomen causing her to groan and tears to build in the corners of her eyes.

"Shut up!" the man bellowed.

"Go on" House said, now repositioning himself down on the arm of Cuddy's office couch and crossing his legs at his ankles, he now held a look of a much calmer frame of mind. He was intrigued. He was interested.

"Wha...House?" Cuddy questioned in a small voice. Why the hell was he acting so relaxed? The guy had a freaking _gun _pushed against her.

"I need…" the guy said as he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. "You need to get me as much oxycontin as you can"

"Oxy, seriously? You really think that re-enacting 'Dog Day Afternoon' is the best way to get your hands on oxycontin? I'm sure you've got your motives, but you should watch the movie all the way through."

"Shut up!" The gunman wailed as he pulled the gun from Cuddy's stomach and pointed it at House's temple. Cuddy gasped from behind him and covered her mouth with her hand. For once, she was speechless.

House's eyes widened and focused on the tip of the gun. "You're not gonna do anything. You still need me." He slowly stood up and stepped forward.

Silence overcame the office once again as the man's trembling hand held the gun against House's head. House almost hear Cuddy's heart hammering in her chest, although on second thought perhaps it was just his own. It was the sound of distant sirens seeming to be getting louder that broke the tense air.

"You're right. I do need you still. I also need you to know you can't screw with me!" He snarled, his voice full of malice as he raised the gun above his head and shot at the ceiling. Cuddy jumped in shock and fell forward on to her knees, the gunman span on his heels and aimed the gun at her.

"Don't you make a damn move!" he screamed. Cuddy shook with fear, dust and debris fell down onto her head from the damaged ceiling and House stared at her through squinted eyes, as powdered rubble fell lightly on to his head. He almost prayed to a god he didn't believe in that Cuddy would read the intensity in his stare and be somewhat comforted. Nothing was going to happen to her.

"Is this all for the oxy?" House asked, realising this guy wasn't pissing about. If he didn't get the drugs then he wouldn't hesitate on shooting.

"House, just…get the drugs" Cuddy's tired voice came from the couch. She had slowly pulled herself up to sit on the edge.

House's eyes shot to her and she saw a sudden flash of worry in them. "Cud..."

"Do what she said!" the guy shouted.

"Fine..." House said, not looking at the gunman.

"Wait!" The gunman shouted as House made his way towards the door hastily with an inappropriate amount of enthusiasm. "I want sulperazone…as well as the oxycontin."

The gunman's last words stopped House in his tracks and caused Cuddy to lift her head in confusion.

"Sulperazone?" Cuddy questioned, looking up at the man and taking a good look at him for the first time. She didn't like what she saw. "You're holding us hostage for _sulperazone?_"

"Cuddy" House warned, sensing the rising anger in the criminal.

"No, House. This guy thinks he can get away with taking drugs, _my_ hospital's drugs just because he has a gun! No." Cuddy's face flushed and she stood up, not quite knowing where the sudden bravery came from. Her hospital was her property in her eyes; one would go as far as to say it was almost like her baby, she would do anything to protect her property, and apparently she'd risk her life for it too.

"Shut up!" both House and he gunman's voices filled the small room. Cuddy jumped at the sound and leaned against the couch, the adrenaline that powered her seemed to have disappeared as a wave of faintness washed over her and her face paled. Steadying herself on the armrest she looked up to find the gun now pointed in her direction, her breath caught in her throat and a few tears trickled silently down her cheek. She looked down and wiped her hand across her face. _Fucking idiot! _Her inner voice chastised. _Just give him the drugs and get out. Get__ home…to Rachel. You have a daughter for god sake; you can't risk your life for the hospital, not now you're a mother._

"You're sick." House said simply, his gaze fixed on the intruder.

"You're annoying, and I've got a gun" the man deadpanned. "See the fun in that?" The gun was still aimed at Cuddy's head and her eyes were solemnly studying the floor. It wasn't like her to show so much weakness, though then again how was she supposed to react to a gun shoved in her face. The fact worried House. Perhaps not so much there was an armed man in the building, ready to kill for what he wanted. More so that she was in the middle of it than anything else.

"You're wearing a Venus neck chain, a famous Bangkok brand. Now either you've got a friend, loved one, who's bought it for you or you've recently been to the land of smiles. And given my perception of you, especially in circumstances we're under...I'm guessing you don't have many friends, so it's the latter. Also, the red burnt tinge on your face, a poor excuse for a tan, gives it away." House spoke quickly, not stopping to take a breath during his speech. Both the gunman and Cuddy listened, not able to break his line of thought. "You're experiencing shortness of breath and sharp pain when you inhale…decreased lung volume. You're experiencing heart palpitations, fatigue, stomach pain and you have a rash on your inner hand..." The man glanced at the hand stretched out holding the gun, then looked back questioningly at House, so he concluded. "By the way you are holding the gun, I figured you're in a considerable amount of discomfort…due to the rash." He added, as if it was obvious. "Could be 100 things wrong with you. Though if you add on that brilliant final symptom, it can only be melioidosis."

"Wha.." Cuddy began, breaking the silence that followed House's impressive deductions.

The gunman quickly cut Cuddy off. "What final symptom? Those were all my symptoms."

House grinned. "Last one is the first thing I mentioned. You've recently visited Thailand, melioidosis is endemic in Thailand. Case closed."

"There is no _case,_ House. Just...do what he says, okay?" Cuddy said wearily.

"You really aren't smart are you?" House carried on, ignoring Cuddy "It's a free clinic, it doesn't matter that you don't have insurance, key word is _free" _House said, his voice condescending.

"So I really have this meliosis thing?" he asked, lowering his gun to his side as his attention was placed on House.

"You tell me, you've obviously researched it. I'm pretty sure someone who hasn't even graduated community college wouldn't know the appropriate antibiotic for it. Like I always say, who needs med school when you've got wifi?"

Cuddy stood up from the couch and walked over to House, she'd kicked her heels off when the gunman wasn't looking in anticipation of any quick dashes she'd have to make. Although, now that she thought about it, she wasn't the only one wouldn't be able to run fast, with her heels and House's leg the idea that they both could make a quick dash seemed impossible.

"What's going on?" Cuddy asked once she'd arrived at House's side. The marked difference in height had no effect on her new found superiority as the confidence she'd previously lost crept back up on her.

The man continued rubbing his head "I know the cops are outside, I'm not a fucking idiot. Just get me the drugs, bring them here to me and I'll let you go, mostly unharmed, if you let me go. I'm not pissing around, you have two minutes to go...wherever...get me as much oxycontin and sulperazone as possible and bring. Them. To. Me. Understood?"

"If you're sick you need to get checked out, you can't ju…shit" Cuddy began but was cut off once again as a gun was ground hard into her stomach. The area was still incredibly tender and Cuddy felt the pain in waves ripping through her abdomen.

"Hey!" House said, grabbing the criminal's arm and using his own force to pull the gun away from Cuddy. "All she's saying is if you do have melioidosis, we need to confirm it or test to see whatever else it could be. There's always the possibility that this one particular med won't work for you. And then what? Try this whole doomed plan again in 25 years."

The gunman snarled and lifted the gun until was aligned with Cuddy's temple.

"Just do it. Oh, and don't let him outside know about the other drugs." He waved his gun freely, motioning beyond Cuddy's office doors. House smiled.

"You really are stupid. You're holding a hospital captive because you don't want your lover outside to find out you're ill?"

"If he knew I was sick he'd get rid of me quicker than lager turns to piss"

"Nice analogy, BRB" House said, swinging his cane as he left the office. His nonchalance, however, didn't have its desired effect on Cuddy, who immediately became overcome with fear. House was gone and she was alone in her office with a psychopath, a psychopath with a _gun._

* * *

><p>Once he was out of view of Cuddy's office, House limped as fast as he was able to towards the corner of the clinic. His footsteps were heavy and leg was playing up big time, though it was nothing he was going to let Cuddy see. He kept an eye on the second gunman who was watching his every move, a gun pointed in House's direction the whole time. He had been given two minute only to get the drugs, bring them back, and then negotiate Cuddy's and his release. His heart pounded in his chest as fear coiled in his gut and mouth went dry; this was it. He knew if he could leave. He could pass through the doors and head on beyond the waiting wave of police and not go back. Though if he did, if he ran with his life, he knew the psychopath would have no qualms taking Cuddy's life.<p>

He reached the drug cart and entered his access code. He grabbed a handful of sulperazone and stuffed it into his pocket, before grabbing a small amount of oxycontin and closing the drawer with a slam. He looked at his watch, 30 seconds had passed. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply in. Using his free hand to hold onto his cane with a death grip, he looked around the clinic, catching the eye of the second gunman who perched behind a nurses' station, as he walked back to the office.

"Hey!" House's head spun as he was approached by the second criminal. "Give me the drugs"

"Your buddy already has dibs on them, sorry" House said quickly, trying, and failing, to try and turn to make his way back to Cuddy's office. A strong hand grabbed at his shoulder and spun him around, whilst another hand grabbed his cane, pulling it from beneath him. House lost his balance a little from the sudden movement and reached out heavily, slamming his palm on to the nurses' station. He clenched his jaw together, as pain flared up through his leg.

"Give. Me. The. Drugs." House flinched as his head became cold; the unmistakable cool metal of a weapon was firmly placed against his temple. _Why did I even come to work today?_ He thought.

"If I don't get these back real soon a woman will get shot. Do you want that on your conscience?"

"I don't give a damn, I want the drugs. Give them to me now" House groaned, why on earth did he think that argument was ever going to work.

"Fine" House said as he handed over the oxycontin he was holding in his hand, his palms clammy and his heart racing as he limped as quick as he could towards the office, he was running out of time, _Cuddy _was running out of time.

He only taken a few steps when he heard the other word. "Wait!" the man shouted and his voice bounced off the empty walls that surrounded them, his head frantically looking around as the flashing blue lights reflected through the clinic's class. "Give me the other drugs" He slowly turned round.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" House said, giving his best poker face.

"I'm not a fucking idiot, the drugs you put in your pocket. Whatever you're planning, I'd recommend you don't. Give them to me" House glanced down at his watch; he'd been out just over a minute. He knew he had to get back real soon, if only this lump of scum would just _piss off._

"What's in your pocket? I swear if you've given me the wrong stuff I will make your life a living hell. More than it already is..."

"There aren't any drugs in my pocket." House raised both hands up beside him in a feeble attempt to convince him.

"Don't lie to me!" the man roared, standing and marching closure to House. His arm rose and he slammed his gun into the side of House's face, causing him to kneel on his good leg, before pressing the cold metal under his jaw. "It's simple. Give me the drugs, and I won't shoot you."

The thump in his chest was almost unbearable now, the hard beats rivalling the throbbing in his cheek. His hand trembled as he reached into his trouser pocket. The gunman's hand shook as his fingers slid towards the trigger. He smiled a grimace, deep lines forming under his eyes as he did so. Beads of sweat on his brow met and formed on large droplet, which rolled down the side of his face. The longer time went by, the closer his fingers seemed to get towards the trigger, and the harder the gun was pushed into House's jaw. His fingers shook in his pocket as he wrapped his hand around the vial of pills. He pulled them out and lifted them up out of his pocket slowly.

Just as the man caught sight of the pills in Houses hand, something caught the air ever so slightly. It hardly made a sound but the impact caused the criminal to drop instantly to the ground. Lifeless. The gun, which only seconds before had been close to becoming a part of House's jaw forever, fell to the ground. A pool of blood formed around the gunman's head and slowly made its way around House's foot. It took a second for House to realise what had happened and then he came to his senses. He'd been shot in the face. House exhaled shakily as he frantically looked around, catching sight of a large crowd of men dressed in black behind the clinic glass.

A man barely entered the clinic, stopping by the door. He paused for a second. Then waved House over, signalling for him to make his way to safety.

House's face looked like one of shock. He said nothing just stared at the body in front of him. He glanced at his watch, purposely ignoring the silent beckoning calls of the policemen. He had ten seconds before the two minutes was up. He had to get back.

"Please come with us." A man whispered. He could leave, he could leave with his life, with no risk of any more harm coming to him. Though leaving would cause one thing for sure. He could leave, and leave Cuddy alone with that psycho, leave her alone with the psycho who hadn't got his drugs. He would kill her, no doubt. The decision was all his. Should he go to the left, or to the right?


End file.
